Sunday, April 17, 2011
Where DID She Go?
Now, to update you on Triscuit and Toblerone.
Triscuit
He's creeping up on his 10th birthday. It's so hard to believe that I have an almost 10 year old. Where does the time go? I think if that question was answered easily, we would find SOME way to slow it down. He's the same Triscuit...just more of an attitude. He thinks he knows it all and loves to argue his way out of every little thing. Tonight, he was dancing around like he had to pee. Conversation was as follows:
Mum: (observing his "pee pee dance") "Triscuit! Stop dancing around and go to the bathroom!"
Triscuit: "But MOOOOM! I don't have to go!"
Mum: (gives it about 2 minutes...all the while STILL noticing the "pee pee dance") "TRISCUIT! NOW!"
Triscuit: "I DON'T HAVE TO GO!"
Mum: "Seriously, son??? You're holding yourself, dancing around like you're walking on hot coals! GO!"
Triscuit: (stands completely still...yet I could have sworn for a split second that his eyeballs had turned yellow) "Mom. I'm standing still. I DON'T have to go! If I had to go, I would know *rolls eyes*."
Less than 2 seconds later, I hear the sound of stomping feet up the stairs and a slam of the bathroom door.
Yeah...Mom knows NOTHING!
He's very sarcastic, yet doesn't seem to catch on to "the queen (me, of course) of sarcasm". My Facebook friends know this story, but it was too funny not to share with you, too.
On our way out to a birthday party yesterday (Saturday), it was silent in the car...except for the radio. All of the sudden, Triscuit pops off with this question:
Triscuit: "Mom? Was I born to be a jerk, like Daddy?"
Mum: (TOTALLY flabbergasted) "TRISCUIT! That wasn't nice! Why would you ask such a question?"
Triscuit: "You call Daddy a "jerk" all the time...I was just wondering."
Uhhhmmmm....yeah. In my defense, my "jerk" label to the hubby is always ALWAYS said in jest....and usually when he touches my belly button (I can't STAND my belly button being messed with). I have NEVER called the hubby a "jerk" and meant it. "Weenie"? Yes. "Jerk"? NO!
He's growing (as every kid does until they reach 20-25 years old), but still has the issue of not gaining weight. He's grown an inch since September (standing at 4'7) and has LOST 3 pounds (thanks to influenza). He eats a TON...just doesn't gain weight. I blame the ADHD (and the husband for the extremely fast metabolism). He's still loving going to a "normal" school, but struggles with reading comprehension and math. He loves anything to do with history and science, but his "love" of reading just isn't there (nor is it for math). I was the exact same way! I'm to blame for THAT one.
Toblerone
Toblerone is a few months away from his 5th birthday. He started preschool this year (standing 2 heads above the rest of his peers...he's 4'4). I was told before he started school that this would be a tough year on his immune system. Whomever told me that wasn't kidding. It seemed he was sick more often than he was well. I swear, this kid caught almost every "bug" that cropped up. Since he was 2 years old (and his bout with croup), he has had problems with wheezing when he catches a cold. It seems to go straight to his chest. Breathing treatments galore! This last time (about a month ago), he was diagnosed with "acute/intermittent asthma". I wasn't happy with that diagnosis (just because I had severe asthma as a teen), but we've learned to cope with it. What did they give him? Steroids. *Clapping*...GOODY! Give the "Hulk" steroids! BRILLIANT move! I know it was necessary for him to get over it, but man...talk about a less than fun 5 days. It increased his appetite (not too bad), made him hyper (I'm sure the albuterol helped *sarcasm*), and sort of seemed to make him moody. The hubby and I have nicknamed him "Beaker". For those of you that are familiar with "The Muppets", imagine every time your child dislikes something, he goes into this high pitched, unrecognizable, SQUEAL. It could have been something as simple as this:
Mum: "Toblerone...time for bed."
Toblerone: *voice goes up 10 octives* "BUT Mooom...mee mee Mee ME ME ME, MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
He must have KNOWN this gets to us, so now, every time he dislikes a request, it's "Beaker" time. Anyone have ear plugs?
As annoying as this can be, he's still pretty funny. He may be "little" (referring to age only), but the kid is hilarious...and he knows it. There are a few choice phrases he's used over the past few months that have left me wondering if I'VE been the guilty party of speaking them in front of him. A four year old shouldn't know how to misconstrue simple words. Examples:
Example one: While watching "Wipe Out", a girl on there biffed it REALLY hard.
Toblerone: "*gasp*! TRITHCUIT! That girl got THPANKED!"
Example two: Triscuit did something that REALLY made Toblerone mad.
Toblerone: "TRITHCUIT! You're mean...and you're a LOOTHER!" (he got a spanking on that one).
Example three: They were eating lollipops, and Toblerone decides to completely CHOW down on his.
Triscuit: "NO! Don't bite it...you'll break your teeth!"
Toblerone: "Mom? Can we THUCK it (emphasis on "suck")?"
Mum: "Please don't chew it, and yes...suck on it."
Toblerone: "TRISCUIT! Mom thaid to THUCK it!"
There is sooooooo much more to share with you (regarding BOTH children), but it's almost 10 o'clock and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I will try my hardest (yes, Ren Ren, I WILL!) to keep up this time. I'm not just doing this for you all...I'm doing this for me (and for them). I want them to know when they are older, that Mommy and Daddy found joy in every little thing that they did. I don't care what they grow up to be, what mistakes they've made (or will make)...Mommy and Daddy have been there and we understand. We find it adorable, cute, and funny MOST of the time...and sometimes, we have to punish behaviors that can become troublesome as they get older (like Toblerone's "Looser" comment. Yes, it's funny...but hurtful. You parents understand....I know you do).
Friday, September 17, 2010
Update...on Life
Reason Number 1 - Mum is in school
I have made it to class every single flippin' day that classes are scheduled. I have also managed to maintain an A+ average! Studying, studying, and more studying, makes it difficult to sit down and find time to blog (also updating Facebook/Twitter is much quicker than blogging). So, those of you that follow me on blogspot should find me on FB (if you're interested, let me know and I'll tell you my real name). School is going beautifully and I'm loving almost every minute of class (with the exception of the current class I'm taking..."Administrative Procedures").
I have gotten used to my instructor and his sense of humor. Imagine, if you will, a person with a laid back temperament, sarcastic sense of humor, and the tolerance of a saint...who was in the U.S. Army for 20 years. He LOVES to give his students hell, and last night, I was his target. Every Thursday and Friday, we have exams. Thursday is terminology and Friday is our exam for the week on the material we cover. Like always, I studied my butt off for these tests. This week was a little different...we had today off (Friday), so all tests were taken last evening (Thursday). I'm a stickler for things being "just so" when it comes to academics. Well, last night, he threw us off by giving us the test differently. Because it wasn't the way I was used to, it took me longer to get through my first test (I was the last one taking it). I guess I asked for it when I threw him my test and said, "I feel SOOO retarded." His response? "Your bus is waiting out front. You know...the short one."
Although I ACED both tests, I still felt like that "special" kid who forgot her helmet at home. He can be an ornery brat, but I must admit, I'm going to miss him when I'm finished with school (which is only 2 months and one week away...then on to my externship).
Reason Number 2 - BOTH Boys are in School
Monday through Friday, I'm in school from 7:15pm to 10:45pm. By the time I get home, it's 11:00pm. You would think I would be exhausted by the time I drag my butt in from the car, but nope. It's incredibly difficult for me to go to bed right away. It takes me quite a while to come down from a night full of dental procedures, teeth, and computer crap. I would say my bed time is around 1:00am. Five and a half hours later, it's time to get the boys ready for school.
6:30am - Here's me in the morning (and since Toblerone is still making it a habit of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, amplify my bitchiness 10 fold. Put it to you this way, we rarely wake up to the sound of our alarm clock).
Instead of staying in his room, Toblerone makes his way upstairs to wake up Triscuit. Since neither of them know what the meaning of "quiet" is, loud giggling, foot stomping, and window shaking madness ensues. Both of them ARE morning people. When I finally roll out of bed, I'm greeted by two insanely happy children (imagine this times two):
This, in theory, SHOULD make me feel better...and for a brief moment, it does. THEN comes the dreaded morning routine. Toblerone has this down to a science, but Triscuit? It's a whole different ball game. Holy crap, this kid CANNOT get the morning routine down. It's the SAME every stinkin' morning. Get up, make his lunch, get dressed (he showers at night since he loves to play around and sing in the shower), shoes and socks, brush his teeth, brush his hair, TAKE HIS PILL, get his backpack on and head out the door. This process should take no more than 20 minutes. But for Triscuit? It takes 40 minutes. Half the time he's either chasing the dog around or pretending he's "SONIC the Hedgehog". I'm thinking I need to give him his Ritalin the minute he wakes up...maybe that will help.
7:15am - Weenie and I take boys to school. Boys are IN CLASS by 7:30am.
7:30am - Weenie and I have a 20-30 minute commute to his work (we only have one car), where I drop him off.
8:20am-10:20am - This is "ME" time. This usually consists of coffee, checking e-mail, updating Facebook/Twitter, turning music on, then studying.
10:20-10:40 - Leave to get Toblerone from preschool, come back home. Now come daily chores. Laundry, cleaning, and various other activities.
2:20-2:40 - It's back to school to get Triscuit (who has been doing EXCELLENT in school, by the way). Once home, Triscuit sits down to do his homework.
3:00 - It's time for ME to get ready for school.
4:30 - We leave to get Weenie from work,
5:15 - We arrive home, I make dinner
6:30 - I'M off to school.
So, there...you have an idea of what my days consist of. Yes, I'm tired...BUT, I'm enjoying it. I love the fact that both boys look forward to school everyday. I love the fact that both boys are doing sooo well! I love the fact that, even though our lives are busy, we are all HAPPY. Things will be even better after I start working!
I will try and get to a few more blogs by the time the week begins. The boys have been saying some crazy stuff lately and I have some really funny stuff to share.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Chairside (and Idiot) Assisting
How this college works is new students are introduced into the program every month. There are a total of 8 courses (excluding externship) you must take in your field. Each group of students that begin will NOT begin with the same class YOU did. For example, the D.A.'s that started a month previous to us, started with Dental Sciences. This month, we start with Chairside Assisting. Those students beginning the program next month will begin with Laboratory Procedures. Each month, the class grows with new students and some leave to begin their externships. What we weren't expecting was the "idiot" factor. I have a message to those parents out there with children embarking on college for the first time. Do NOT send your children to college if they aren't mature enough to handle it. All you will be doing is wasting your money and unleashing an immature child on the rest of us...for US to deal with.
As I stated before, last evening was an eye opener...not just with the amount of information we have to soak up before exams every Thursday and Friday, but with the personalities in the class. There are some that are quiet and studious, then there are those who could give a crap about ANYTHING going on around them or ANYONE ELSE that may be there. As soon as the class started, these two fools in the back decided they were going to beat-box instead of taking notes. Then, one dropped their pencil and yelled, "G-D it all" WHILE the professor was talking. The other D.A. (the one that started with me) just looked at me...DUMBFOUNDED. The professor did NOTHING to address their behavior, but instead, chose to ignore it. This is NOT going to fly with me. I'm not paying thousands of dollars to be distracted by a couple of morons.
Next, we head over to the dental lab. This lab is set up like a rather large dental office (even smells like it, too). Everything from exam chairs, drills and x-ray machines to fake heads with cadaver teeth in them. Our lab assignment last evening was to get familiar with the hardware the dentists use. As dental assistants, we have to know how to put drills together, what apparatuses we need to attach to what hose, and even know the difference in bur (drill) bits. We also had to familiarize ourselves with what foot pedal controls what drill. Since there are 3 patient operatory stations, we had to break up into groups to do this. Guess who we get stuck with? The two class clowns. Since they've been in the program longer than us, their job was to show us what to do and how to attach things. Yes, they showed us that but then, they decided they were going to play "doctor/assistant". One, with the drill bit and the other with suction. Specific instructions were "do not drill into the cadaver teeth". What did they do? DRILLED INTO THE CADAVER TEETH. When the professor came around to look at our techniques, he noticed that there was dust in our "patient" mouth. I swear, his eyes changed from deep blue to deep red. He was ANGRY. He asked the other D.A. and I "who drilled the teeth?". We looked at each other, looked back at the professor and said, "Take a guess". He absolutely LOST his cool! After yelling at the guys, he turns back to us and gets short with US because our technique was wrong. Uhhh....hello? This was our FIRST NIGHT!
So, to recap, we spent 1 hour and 45 minutes in lecture, took a 30 minute break, and spent the last hour and 45 minutes in the lab. What did I get out of it? Seven pages of notes, NO answers (and no clue) to what I took notes on, a basic idea of how to navigate in the operatory station, what NOT to do to tick off my professor, and to stay OUT of his way when he's angry.
Tonight should be fun...*sarcasm*.
I found this and thought it was rather appropriate. I'm thinking this screen printed on a shirt may get the point across:
Friday, May 21, 2010
Hickeys
Two days ago, he walks past me and I see this thing on his upper arm.
Mum: "Hey, Triscuit. Come here."
Triscuit: "Yeah, Mom? Whassup?"
Mum: *Grabs his arm*..."What's this?"
Triscuit: "Oh...I sucked on my arm and this is what happened. Isn't it cool?"
Mum: "Do you know what we call that?"
Triscuit: "No...what?"
Mum: "We call those things Hickeys."
Triscuit: "Oh. Are they bad?"
Mum: "Well, that depends."
Triscuit: *Inquisitive look*
Mum: "Imagine yourself with a girlfriend...."
Triscuit: "MOOOOM! Ewww."
Mum: "No...bear with me. Imagine yourself in a few years having a girlfriend. Let's say you guys are kissing...."
Triscuit: "MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!"
He tries to run away, but I grab him.
Mum: "I'm trying to be serious, Triscuit. You need to hear this."
Triscuit: *Turning red* "But, I don't wanna talk about this."
Mum: "You have to learn SOMETIME! OK...I'll skip the details. If I see one of these on your neck, we're going to have one SERIOUS talk, little man."
Triscuit: "Girls suck on your neck? GROSS!"
Mum: *Laughing* "You say that NOW! Just you wait."
This whole time, I didn't realize Toblerone was listening.
Toblerone: "If a giwl giveth you a hickey, we're going to 'retht (arrest) her and put her in jaiw."
Mum: "I don't know about jail, but you and the girl will be under watchful eyes for quite some time."
Toblerone: "That'th icky."
Mum: "Remember this conversation Toblerone, because your day is coming, too."
Toblerone: "Nuh uh. I don't like giwlth (girls)."
Mum: "But Mommy's a girl."
Toblerone: "Ewww."
Now, he's wiping off my kisses.
What am I doing about this, you ask? I make SURE my lips are EXTRA wet. The sloppier the kiss, the more it irritates him. HA! Don't you say "ewww" to ME anymore. I will make sure you know what "Ewww" REALLY means. Stinker.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Bathroom Cleaning 101
Thoroughly cover your bathroom counter, faucet handles, and sink bowl with the first product until all you see is a sea of white foam. Let it sit while you move on to the next phase...the toilet.
Grasp either device and scrub/jackhammer your heart out! If there is porcelain left after the scrubbing session, you aren't scrubbing hard enough. Flush at least 10 times (no more or no less...otherwise you with OCD will have to start over). ALWAYS REMEMBER - for optimum cleanliness, dispose of devices above. Under no circumstances should you store something that has been used in a toilet bowl.
If you have children (especially boys) this product will be your best friend until they move out (the 48oz bottle should last you for at LEAST 4 bathroom cleanings):
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
We Be...Clubbin'?
Nani, Witha, and I hit Rubio's and indulge in a salad. I know...exciting, but I wasn't going to blow my recent 15 pound loss on food that was going to make me gain it back. Also, being on the Atkins diet for over a month will make you think twice about your food choices, and it isn't just for the weight gain reason. Look up "Carb Dumping". You tell me, would you indulge right before you go to a club? I didn't think so.
I haven't been to a club since my early 20's. Yes, I used to be on the dance floor with the rest of them, but ladies, you'll understand the next thing I'm about to say. Once you have children, it seems like all the coordination you had prior to having them seems to leave your body the moment you give birth. I never broke bones prior to children. After I had Triscuit, I broke two. I wasn't about to risk breaking a third by trying to dance. Besides, it's more fun to "people watch". I know things have changed, but I'm still thinking "Great. This is going to be your typical club. Skinny, YOUNG, beautiful girls flaunting their curves (or lack thereof, depending on the affordability of breast enhancement. Oh...sorry. Was that mean? I have yet to see a size 0-4 girl with God given endowment...seriously. I know...Meow), with big, buff, tan men pulling out all the stops to impress said girls. This should be fun." I walk in and see this (not this particular girl, but you know the type):
It's not just the size differences that amazes me...it's the AGE differences, too. From young college attending girls, to middle aged moms (like me), to GRANDMA'S out there shakin' their groovy behinds. It was actually quite refreshing! There was one lady there that we dubbed "Heidi". Imagine THIS, only her hair was real, she wasn't wearing a plastic dress and she was about 45 years old.
Eww. When you see guys like this, their ego's usually enter a room before they do.
No, they don't put lemon wedges in Vodka.
And yes, just to show I'm a good sport, I'll post a silly one, too. I think we can blame our parents for the "crazy" gene. And Dad? I'm mainly talking to you, since the Sister is sporting a classic "Dad" look. As for MY look, I would have to say that's all Mom's fault.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Toblerone...Need I Say More?
On to Toblerone and his "growing up". With this kid, "growing up" won't stop for him until he can touch the clouds. I feel for him, poor little-big guy. All I can say is I'm glad God has given him a gentle giant type of personality. He'll need it throughout school. That cherub face will also help him be less intimidating!
I've taken similar pictures comparing his hands and feet to MY hands and feet. Again, remember, he's not yet four years old (not until June 21st).
Toblerone's hand on top of mine....love his chunky little hands!
Toblerone's foot next to mine (and the dog's toy happens to show up...niiice)...
Now, on to Toblerone's face. Take one:
Oh for the love of all that holy...LOOK AT MOMMY and DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!
Toblerone's face - take two:
That's better...but now he has that "How YOU doin'" look on his face. I guess it's better than the "special" snapshots I'm used to taking. ONE of these days, he'll learn how to pose.
As with Triscuit, Toblerone is also growing up in more ways than just physical. He, too, has reached a "phase"...and it's not a good one.
For you parents out there that have older children, think back (however far back that may be). Remember the temper tantrums, the whining and crying, and the assertive phase? Yes...that's what I'm dealing with. Here's the big "BUT" you all are waiting for. BUT, I can GUARANTEE that your almost four year old wasn't 75 pounds and four feet tall. Ever tried to wrestle a child that size? Yeah...it isn't easy. I'm not a small woman, either. I'm average weight for a woman that stands at 5'9. You would think it would be easy. Think again. The kid has the strength of Hercules! He was helping Weenie move boxes outside for God's sake!
Yes, I'm going to touch on another sensitive subject that I'm sure will make you guys say, "WHY did you post this on your blog?". The answer to that, my friends, is called "life". We all MUST get over the embarrassment of parts. You parents with BOYS will understand exactly what I'm talking about.
NAKEDNESS AND BOOOOOBS
Whenever I say, "OK boys...time for a shower!", the FIRST person standing stark naked is Toblerone. The kid has NO modesty whatsoever. I swear, he rips off his clothes in the blink of an eye. I'm actually thinking about calling him "Flash Gordon" (pun intended). If I could get Triscuit to move that fast, we wouldn't have so many screaming matches!
Mum: "Boys...time for a shower."
Triscuit: "But MOOOOM! We just TOOK a shower."
Mum: "Move, son! I'm not going to argue with you."
As Triscuit tries to plead his case, giving the pros and cons of taking a shower, Toblerone is buck naked, shaking his booty at Triscuit.
Toblerone: "I'm going to get into the shower FIRTHT! *sticks his tongue out*
Triscuit: "MOOOOM! He stuck his tongue out at me!!! Spank him!"
Mum: *sigh*..."Triscuit, just take your clothes off and get into the shower."
Meanwhile, Toblerone is now upstairs and OUTSIDE in all his naked glory. Look at the pictures above...see how white he is? Yeah...I think the neighbors thought a second sun magically appeared.
Mum: "TOBLERONE! Get BACK inside NOW!"
Toblerone: *Turns around and shakes his booty...at ME*
Mum: "Ohhhh....I can't believe you just did that. That is SO rude, Toblerone!"
Toblerone: *Runs around on the patio, mustering every bit of ornery he has in him...LAUGHING*
Mum: "You WILL get a spanking if you do not come see me right NOW."
Reluctantly, he comes over to me (covering his naked little behind thinking "there is NO way Mommy can spank me with my hands there"). I FINALLY get them into the shower after 10 minutes of this.
It usually takes me about 5 minutes to fully scrub and clean him (and no, I didn't use the scrubby on his sensitive part). While he exits, Triscuit enters. As I'm reiterating instructions to Triscuit on how to wash properly (see previous post if you're wondering what I'm talking about), Toblerone's naked and WET butt is upstairs...and this time he's chasing the dog. *sigh*
Mum: "Toblerone...PLEASE come here. I need to dry you off."
He actually LISTENS this time and comes to see me. Next thing I know, this expression crosses his face:
He stares at my chest (I'm wearing a sports bra), then stares at his.
Toblerone: "What are thothe?"
Mum: "They're boobs, honey. Only girls have them (I decided to go ahead and point that out before he had a chance to ask)."
Toblerone: "Why do you have booooobth?"
Mum: "Because....um....."
Crap. How am I going to explain this to him...on HIS level?
Mum: "Because girls have different parts than boys. That's what makes girls different from boys."
Toblerone: "What are dey for?"
Really? Did he just ask me that?
Mum: "To feed babies. That's what Mommy's do when they have kids."
Toblerone: "Do dey eat dem?"
Mum: "No. Mommy's make milk when they have babies."
Toblerone: "Can I make milk?"
Mum: "No...only girls can."
Toblerone: "When will I get booooobth?"
Mum: "Are you a girl?"
Toblerone: *laughing* "Mooom! No, I'm not a giwl."
Mum: "What makes you a boy?"
That question popped out of my mouth before I even thought about it. NEVER....EVER do that.
Toblerone: "I don't have booooobth."
Thaaat's right, kid. Keep thinking that way...at least until your father gets home.
Toblerone: "Do you have milk?"
I am SO done with this conversation.
Mum: "Here's your crayons and coloring book. Why don't you color for a while?"
Thankfully, he stops with the questions...at least until the NEXT time he takes a shower.
Life is never dull in this house. If you ever catch me saying "I'm bored", your response should be "count your blessings".