Toblerone...Need I Say More?

I'm posting this one late at night because my head is swimming with information from orientation and I don't even feel tired. Can we say "run on sentence"? Sheesh...I'm slipping.

On to Toblerone and his "growing up". With this kid, "growing up" won't stop for him until he can touch the clouds. I feel for him, poor little-big guy. All I can say is I'm glad God has given him a gentle giant type of personality. He'll need it throughout school. That cherub face will also help him be less intimidating!

I've taken similar pictures comparing his hands and feet to MY hands and feet. Again, remember, he's not yet four years old (not until June 21st).

Toblerone's hand on top of mine....love his chunky little hands!

Toblerone's foot next to mine (and the dog's toy happens to show up...niiice)...


Now, on to Toblerone's face. Take one:


Oh for the love of all that holy...LOOK AT MOMMY and DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!

Toblerone's face - take two:


That's better...but now he has that "How YOU doin'" look on his face. I guess it's better than the "special" snapshots I'm used to taking. ONE of these days, he'll learn how to pose.

As with Triscuit, Toblerone is also growing up in more ways than just physical. He, too, has reached a "phase"...and it's not a good one.

For you parents out there that have older children, think back (however far back that may be). Remember the temper tantrums, the whining and crying, and the assertive phase? Yes...that's what I'm dealing with. Here's the big "BUT" you all are waiting for. BUT, I can GUARANTEE that your almost four year old wasn't 75 pounds and four feet tall. Ever tried to wrestle a child that size? Yeah...it isn't easy. I'm not a small woman, either. I'm average weight for a woman that stands at 5'9. You would think it would be easy. Think again. The kid has the strength of Hercules! He was helping Weenie move boxes outside for God's sake!

Yes, I'm going to touch on another sensitive subject that I'm sure will make you guys say, "WHY did you post this on your blog?". The answer to that, my friends, is called "life". We all MUST get over the embarrassment of parts. You parents with BOYS will understand exactly what I'm talking about.

NAKEDNESS AND BOOOOOBS

Whenever I say, "OK boys...time for a shower!", the FIRST person standing stark naked is Toblerone. The kid has NO modesty whatsoever. I swear, he rips off his clothes in the blink of an eye. I'm actually thinking about calling him "Flash Gordon" (pun intended). If I could get Triscuit to move that fast, we wouldn't have so many screaming matches!

Mum: "Boys...time for a shower."

Triscuit: "But MOOOOM! We just TOOK a shower."

Mum: "Move, son! I'm not going to argue with you."

As Triscuit tries to plead his case, giving the pros and cons of taking a shower, Toblerone is buck naked, shaking his booty at Triscuit.

Toblerone: "I'm going to get into the shower FIRTHT! *sticks his tongue out*

Triscuit: "MOOOOM! He stuck his tongue out at me!!! Spank him!"

Mum: *sigh*..."Triscuit, just take your clothes off and get into the shower."

Meanwhile, Toblerone is now upstairs and OUTSIDE in all his naked glory. Look at the pictures above...see how white he is? Yeah...I think the neighbors thought a second sun magically appeared.

Mum: "TOBLERONE! Get BACK inside NOW!"

Toblerone: *Turns around and shakes his booty...at ME*

Mum: "Ohhhh....I can't believe you just did that. That is SO rude, Toblerone!"

Toblerone: *Runs around on the patio, mustering every bit of ornery he has in him...LAUGHING*

Mum: "You WILL get a spanking if you do not come see me right NOW."

Reluctantly, he comes over to me (covering his naked little behind thinking "there is NO way Mommy can spank me with my hands there"). I FINALLY get them into the shower after 10 minutes of this.

It usually takes me about 5 minutes to fully scrub and clean him (and no, I didn't use the scrubby on his sensitive part). While he exits, Triscuit enters. As I'm reiterating instructions to Triscuit on how to wash properly (see previous post if you're wondering what I'm talking about), Toblerone's naked and WET butt is upstairs...and this time he's chasing the dog. *sigh*

Mum: "Toblerone...PLEASE come here. I need to dry you off."

He actually LISTENS this time and comes to see me. Next thing I know, this expression crosses his face:

He stares at my chest (I'm wearing a sports bra), then stares at his.

Toblerone: "What are thothe?"

Mum: "They're boobs, honey. Only girls have them (I decided to go ahead and point that out before he had a chance to ask)."

Toblerone: "Why do you have booooobth?"

Mum: "Because....um....."

Crap. How am I going to explain this to him...on HIS level?

Mum: "Because girls have different parts than boys. That's what makes girls different from boys."

Toblerone: "What are dey for?"

Really? Did he just ask me that?

Mum: "To feed babies. That's what Mommy's do when they have kids."

Toblerone: "Do dey eat dem?"

Mum: "No. Mommy's make milk when they have babies."

Toblerone: "Can I make milk?"

Mum: "No...only girls can."

Toblerone: "When will I get booooobth?"

Mum: "Are you a girl?"

Toblerone: *laughing* "Mooom! No, I'm not a giwl."

Mum: "What makes you a boy?"

That question popped out of my mouth before I even thought about it. NEVER....EVER do that.

Toblerone: "I don't have booooobth."

Thaaat's right, kid. Keep thinking that way...at least until your father gets home.

Toblerone: "Do you have milk?"

I am SO done with this conversation.

Mum: "Here's your crayons and coloring book. Why don't you color for a while?"

Thankfully, he stops with the questions...at least until the NEXT time he takes a shower.

Life is never dull in this house. If you ever catch me saying "I'm bored", your response should be "count your blessings".

Growing Up - Triscuit Style

I know I've mentioned that Triscuit is growing up way too quickly. But...you have NOOOO idea just HOW quickly. We've all heard the term "growing like a weed". I think Triscuit has far surpassed "weed" status. I went ahead and took photos comparing his hands and feet to my hands and feet. Remember....we're comparing a (almost) 9 year old to a grown 36 year old woman (who stands at 5'9).


Triscuits hand on top of mine

Triscuits foot next to mine (I know...my feet need some TLC)


Here's the kicker. His face is changing. I look at him and can no longer see any "baby" in him (I know he looks tired...Toblerone has a habit of waking up before the butt crack of dawn. Since he doesn't want to be alone when he gets into everything, he goes and wakes up Triscuit. This has been happening for over 3 weeks now).


I WAS going to take a picture of his shoulders, but I don't think that pictures would do his shoulders justice. Let's just say his shirts (size 10) no longer fit him correctly.


Not only is he growing up physically...be he's growing up in other areas, too. His attitude is changing (and for the most part, not in a GOOD way). He's asserting himself more...which is making him more argumentative. Granted, after a week of being in time out and getting soap for back talking, he's straightening up a bit, but still has his "jerky" moments. And before you yell at me, I DO realize that this is a phase. Unfortunately, he won't be growing out of this phase until he has children of his own. I love him to death and wouldn't trade these moments for the world, but my patience is running thin. There IS some funny in all of this (I'm having to look deeper these days for the funny, but it's still there). We (Weenie and I) have been dealing with this for quite a while with him. I swear, if this kid ever goes out for the debate team, he'll be at the top of the team!

What I'm about to divulge he will more than likely kill me for when he's older, but until then, let's laugh about it.

HYGIENE

Mum: "Triscuit...time for a shower."

Triscuit: "But MOOOM! I took a shower two days ago. I don't need one again...I don't stink!"

Mum: "Have you smelled yourself lately?"

Triscuit: "MOOOM!"

Mum: "NOW, son!"

As Triscuit is showering, Weenie walks down the stairs, wrinkles his nose and says, "It smells like wet boy down here (and if you haven't smelled wet boy, imagine the smell of a wet dog. It's one in the same)." So, I asked Weenie to "please instruct Triscuit how to wash properly". I know some of you are wondering why I didn't instruct him. Well, since I lack certain plumbing, I have NO clue how to instruct him on how to wash "it". I tried to show him once, but after the lesson Weenie gave, apparently, I showed him incorrectly.

I hear Weenie instructing him on how to wash his hair, his pits, his behind, arms, legs, and feet (yes, I instructed Triscuit on these parts, too...but apparently Weenie wanted to give a refresher). Then I hear him instructing him on how to wash "it". Soon, Weenie appears next to me letting me know what happened (this may get embarrassing for some of you not used to talking about parts...but it's a fact of life people....seriously).

Weenie: "While instructing Triscuit, I realized his trepidation on wanting to wash it."

Mum: "Why? I showed him how."

Weenie: *gives me this flabbergasted look* "Ummm, honey? He was using a SCRUBBY to wash it. Do you have any idea how extremely sensitive it is???"

Mum: "I don't have one of "those" honey, I wouldn't know."

Weenie: "Well, do YOU scrub your lady parts with a scrubby?!?!?!"

Mum: *Facepalm* "No, I don't."

Yes. Call me naive, blond and stupid...I don't care. I deserve it after that. What possessed me to show him that way??? If I can't do that, then GUYS sure can't! What was I thinking???

Mum: "Well, you instructed him otherwise, right?"

Weenie: "Yes. I told him to put soap on his hand and make SURE every crevice is washed."

Mum: "How did it go?"

Weenie: "Let's just say, I don't think he'll have a problem washing it anymore."

Lordy. I am SO not ready for THAT phase. I can guarantee you RIGHT NOW when "that" issue arises, I will NOT be the one addressing it.

Gems From Toblerone

Although Toblerone isn't yet four years old, he's smarter and wiser than he SHOULD be. Here are some gems he's come out with recently. The last scenario gives you a peek into my life with my larger-than-life child.
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PEE PEE TROUBLES

Toblerone - "Mom (I am no longer "mommy")? I need thome new shorth."

Mum - "Why? Are they wet?"

Toblerone - "Yeth. I peed in them."

Mum - "Why did you pee in them?"

Toblerone - "Becauthe my body told me that it had to go RIGHT THEN. My pee pee wouldn't lithen to me telling it to wait."

Mum - "Toblerone...your body will start telling you it has to go BEFORE your pee pee doesn't have time to listen...you just need to pay attention to it."

Toblerone - "But, it didn't, Mom. It thnuck up on me and went all by ithelf. It'th a BAD PEE PEE."
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AN UNNATURAL FASCINATION (*hurp*)

Toblerone isn't old enough to wipe his own behind, so it's up to Weenie and I to help him. Unfortunately, every time he goes, we go through a scenario like this one (this one happened today).

Toblerone - (yelling from the bathroom) "Moooooom! I peeewwwpt (seriously, that's how he says it)! Come wipe my buuuuuuutt!"

Mum - *sigh*...."I'm coming. Be there in a minute."

I, begrudgingly, go down the stairs to the bathroom. I see him leaning on the toilet seat with his hands, studying what he's made.

Mum - (fighting back a huge gag) "Toblerone...please stop. That's yucky."

Toblerone - "But look, Mom. It'th big and it thank (sank). And there's (counting)....4 of them!"

Mum - "Good for you...but Mommy doesn't want to look."

Toblerone - "Why (he obviously hasn't picked up on the fact that I can't stand anything fecal)? It'th cooooooool."

Mum - "It's not cool...it's gross. Now, turn around so I can wipe your butt."

Toblerone - (turns around, eyes still on the toilet bowl) "But Mooooom....jutht LOOK at it. *gasp*...One'th FLOATING!"

I couldn't hold back the gag any longer. Good thing I hadn't eaten anything yet.

Mum - "Toblerone...poop makes Mommy feel sick to her stomach. Please....just flush the toilet and pull your pants up."

Toblerone - (Ornery grin) "What color is pewp?"

Mum - "Seriously, Toblerone? You KNOW what color it is...now stop it. You're going to make Mommy puke."

Toblerone - (studying it a little longer)....

Mum - "TOBLERONE! Flush to toilet....NOW."
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HUNGER PAINS

You all have seen Toblerone. He's a "big boy". Tall, built like a football player (broad shoulders, thick legs)....and has the appetite of one, too. Here's something that hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. Did you know Shaq is 7'1? I thought he was taller than that. Toblerone is supposed to be 7'2! Scared yet? Here's a typical conversation we have about 10 times a day.

Toblerone - "Mooom. I'm huuuungry."

Mum - "When AREN'T you hungry? It's not time to eat yet. Chill out and go drink your juice."

Toblerone - "But Mooooom!!!! *tears start rolling*...I'm REALLY hungry. Pleathe? Can I have a thnack?"

Mum - "No. You just had lunch, son! It's not time for a snack."

Toblerone - "I NEEEED thomethin'. I'm thtarvin'!"

Mum - "Stop and listen to your tummy. Is it really hungry, or are you just bored?"

Toblerone - "I'll go get my OWN thnack. I'm getting Nilla waferth and wowwipopth."

Mum - "Oh no you aren't! You will eat when MOMMY says it's time to eat."

Toblerone - "You're MEEAAN! I'm going to thtarve to death and you don't care!"
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I know that God has given me the children I was MEANT to have. However, He has yet to show me how to DEAL with their needs appropriately. I have one child who I can't get to gain enough weight and one that I can't get to STOP gaining weight. I'm sure you all know me well enough to know that their weight issues are a huge concern for me. Suggestions anyone?

Interesting Stuff From The Mouth Of Triscuit

I've resigned myself to the fact that Triscuit just has a different thinking process than most. Here are some interesting statements made by him over the past few months.
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Dog Butt Issues

While observing one of our dogs scooting it's butt across the floor (GROSS), Triscuit says this:

Triscuit - "Mom? Why do dogs scoot their butts across the floor?"

Mum - "Because...(he didn't let me finish)"

Triscuit - "Are they trying to vacuum?"
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Future Career

Mum - "Honey? What do you want to do when you grow up?"

Triscuit - "Help Dad with his XBox achievements."

Mum - (laughing) "You can't make a living doing that. You won't get paid."

Triscuit - "But that's what I want to do."

Mum - (I then realized that I should have posed the question a little differently) "What do you want to BE when you grow up?"

Triscuit - "A video game."

*sigh*....I gave up at that point.
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Phlegm

Triscuit - (Coughing due to a nasty cold)

Mum - "Triscuit! Cover your mouth! That's SOOO rude!"

Triscuit - *Observes a wad of phlegm fly out of his mouth*

Triscuit - (With a huge grin) "Mom! Did you SEE that??? I coughed a booger up FROM MY LUNGS! How is that possible?"

Mum - "When you have a cold, you need to blow your nose instead of swallowing it. Otherwise, it will end up sitting on your chest."

Triscuit - (perplexed look on his face) "How can boogers sit on your chest? They don't have butts."
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Little Brothers

Triscuit - "Mooooom! Toblerone HIT me!"

Mum - "WHY did he hit you? There has to be a reason."

Triscuit - "I wasn't doing aaaanything (yeah, right) and he came over and HIT me. I don't LIKE my little brother. Why did you have to have him?"

Mum - "That isn't nice! How would you like it if Toblerone said the same thing to me about you?"

Triscuit - "He wouldn't. He likes me too much...and I was here first."
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Eddie

Triscuit has this annoying ability to really upset that dog. After yelling at him I don't know HOW many times to leave her alone, she finally hauled off and gnawed on his thumb (it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be).

Triscuit - *CRYING HIS EYES OUT* "She BIT me! I wasn't doing aaaanything, and she BIT me!"

Mum - "HA! I watched you! You were teasing her, RELENTLESSLY! How many times did I tell you to LEAVE HER ALONE! When are you going to learn to listen? If you listened to me to begin with, you wouldn't be in this position, now would you?"

Triscuit - "Mom! YOU said I have to learn things the hard way. So, I was!"
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Braces (I have no one to blame but myself for this one)

At first, Triscuit was really happy to get his braces. Now, the novelty has warn off and he HATES them.

Triscuit - "When am I going to get my braces off?"

Mum - "They said you had to have them for a year, so around Christmas time of THIS year."

Triscuit - "But they're poking my gums and hurting my lips. Aren't my teeth straight enough?"

Mum - "No, honey. You must have them on until you're done. Sorry."

Triscuit - "Well, THAT sucks."
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Life Cycle of Plants (I've saved the best for last)

Mum - "Once a plant makes a seed, fruit will form around it. Birds and other animals eat that fruit, ingesting the seeds. Think this through...if a deer were to eat some wild berries, where would those seeds end up?"

Triscuit - "In their stomachs."

Mum - "When YOU eat, what happens to your food once your body is done with it?"

Triscuit - "*sigh*....do I have to say it?"

Mum - "Ummm...yes. What's wrong with saying it?"

Triscuit - "You don't like it, remember?"

Mum - "I'm a big girl, I can handle it. This is for school and you HAVE to learn this. It's very important."

Triscuit - "It drops it out of it's butt."

Mum - "Or...it POOPS it out...it's alright....you can say poop."

Triscuit - "Drops it isn't as gross."

Toblerone then decides to let one go (perfect timing)

Triscuit - (CRACKING up) "Mom...you may want to see if Toblerone dropped one out of his butt. It sounded like it popped out and hit the floor."

OK...*HURP* gross! Regardless of the terms, poo is poo. Dropped and popped are now on the "things that make me gag" list.

Much Needed Change In Life Begins NOW

My apologies, yet again, for not updating my blog. You'll understand why in a few.

First off, let me update you all on the munchkins.

Triscuit - Triscuit is doing wonderfully, even though he is in need of a doctor visit for a medication increase. He's growing up (too quickly) and with that, his attitude is changing. He seems to have outgrown the touch-me-not stage and has actually asked to have snuggle time with me (snuggle time consists of me sitting on the couch and him laying next to me watching something on T.V.). He's lost a lot of his little boy looks, too (see attached picture). The chiseled features are starting to emerge, his hands and feet are getting bigger, his arms and legs are getting longer and he's even had a few zits over the past few months. The biggest change is, little girls are taking notice of him. Mum isn't liking the last change AT ALL. I knew he was going to be a good looking kid, but seriously girls? He's (almost) NINE... BACK OFF! Don't get Mama Bear mad, or Mama Bear gets all up in your 'bidness.

Toblerone - Toblerone is doing peachy, too. He now stands at 4 feet tall. I thought for sure he wasn't going to hit that mark until AFTER he turns four in June, but he proved me wrong. I'd love to post his weight for you, but honestly? I'm afraid to weigh him. He's a big boy...and I'll leave it at that (You can see what I mean in the picture below). His vocabulary has increased 10 fold and is talking a LOT better (although he still has that cute little lisp). His favorite phrases lately are, "Ooooh man!", "You fail", and "You're getting on my nervth (nerves)". Looks like he's going to be a sarcastic one, as well. Gee...I wonder where they get that trait from?

Weenie - although he's not one of my "munchkins", he IS the father of said munchkins, therefore deserves some blog time. Weenie is doing quite well, too. He's very busy at work (YAY), has grown a beard and mustache (he's never been able to do that...I guess his hormones have finally kicked in) and is currently sick with a nasty cold I managed to pass along to the family. He's been hit the hardest by this cold...probably because he constantly on the move and doesn't take the time to sit and relax. Maybe this cold was a Godsend.

Now, let's talk about the title of my blog.

Things haven't been "rough", so to speak, but we do live far below how we should be living. We're both 36 years old. We rent our home, we have one car and have no health insurance for Weenie and I. This isn't meant for anyone to say, "Oh my goodness! You poor (literally) people!" We've chosen to sacrifice some things so I could stay home with the munchkins (where I SHOULD be). But needs are arising that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot fulfill. Now that both boys are ready to go to a brick and mortar school, where does that leave me? I'm not the type of person to sit around and do nothing. I HAVE to keep busy! I've always loved the medical field. I worked in Pharmacy for over 10 years and in a dialysis clinic for a little over 2 years. But, in the back of my mind, I've always wondered what it would be like to work in dentistry. Over the past few years, it seems as though we've lived at the dental office with all of the work poor Triscuit has had to have done. Through various conversations I've had with his dentist as well as the ladies that work in his orthodontists office, I've made the decision to go back to school to become a dental assistant. Over the past week, I've been accepted into the program, enrolled, and this evening will have all of my financial aid in place to begin night classes on May 3rd. WOOOOT! I am extremely nervous, but at the same time I'm extremely excited! My goal is to be working in an orthodontist office or assisting an oral surgeon. Not only am I doing this for the financial benefit of our family, I'm doing this for ME. I told myself (and Weenie) that when I DO decide to go back to work, I would not enter the work force without having a diploma/certification/degree in hand. For now, I'm doing the 9 month program. Once I'm done with that and obtain a job, I plan on continuing my schooling towards obtaining my degree in applied science.

So, there you have it. Many GOOD changes (much needed changes) are happening in our lives! If you all could keep Triscuit and Toblerone in your thoughts and prayers, I would appreciate it. They both are aware I will be going back to school, but once I actually begin, it's going to be a huge change for them to accept.