Gems From Toblerone

Although Toblerone isn't yet four years old, he's smarter and wiser than he SHOULD be. Here are some gems he's come out with recently. The last scenario gives you a peek into my life with my larger-than-life child.
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PEE PEE TROUBLES

Toblerone - "Mom (I am no longer "mommy")? I need thome new shorth."

Mum - "Why? Are they wet?"

Toblerone - "Yeth. I peed in them."

Mum - "Why did you pee in them?"

Toblerone - "Becauthe my body told me that it had to go RIGHT THEN. My pee pee wouldn't lithen to me telling it to wait."

Mum - "Toblerone...your body will start telling you it has to go BEFORE your pee pee doesn't have time to listen...you just need to pay attention to it."

Toblerone - "But, it didn't, Mom. It thnuck up on me and went all by ithelf. It'th a BAD PEE PEE."
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AN UNNATURAL FASCINATION (*hurp*)

Toblerone isn't old enough to wipe his own behind, so it's up to Weenie and I to help him. Unfortunately, every time he goes, we go through a scenario like this one (this one happened today).

Toblerone - (yelling from the bathroom) "Moooooom! I peeewwwpt (seriously, that's how he says it)! Come wipe my buuuuuuutt!"

Mum - *sigh*...."I'm coming. Be there in a minute."

I, begrudgingly, go down the stairs to the bathroom. I see him leaning on the toilet seat with his hands, studying what he's made.

Mum - (fighting back a huge gag) "Toblerone...please stop. That's yucky."

Toblerone - "But look, Mom. It'th big and it thank (sank). And there's (counting)....4 of them!"

Mum - "Good for you...but Mommy doesn't want to look."

Toblerone - "Why (he obviously hasn't picked up on the fact that I can't stand anything fecal)? It'th cooooooool."

Mum - "It's not cool...it's gross. Now, turn around so I can wipe your butt."

Toblerone - (turns around, eyes still on the toilet bowl) "But Mooooom....jutht LOOK at it. *gasp*...One'th FLOATING!"

I couldn't hold back the gag any longer. Good thing I hadn't eaten anything yet.

Mum - "Toblerone...poop makes Mommy feel sick to her stomach. Please....just flush the toilet and pull your pants up."

Toblerone - (Ornery grin) "What color is pewp?"

Mum - "Seriously, Toblerone? You KNOW what color it is...now stop it. You're going to make Mommy puke."

Toblerone - (studying it a little longer)....

Mum - "TOBLERONE! Flush to toilet....NOW."
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HUNGER PAINS

You all have seen Toblerone. He's a "big boy". Tall, built like a football player (broad shoulders, thick legs)....and has the appetite of one, too. Here's something that hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. Did you know Shaq is 7'1? I thought he was taller than that. Toblerone is supposed to be 7'2! Scared yet? Here's a typical conversation we have about 10 times a day.

Toblerone - "Mooom. I'm huuuungry."

Mum - "When AREN'T you hungry? It's not time to eat yet. Chill out and go drink your juice."

Toblerone - "But Mooooom!!!! *tears start rolling*...I'm REALLY hungry. Pleathe? Can I have a thnack?"

Mum - "No. You just had lunch, son! It's not time for a snack."

Toblerone - "I NEEEED thomethin'. I'm thtarvin'!"

Mum - "Stop and listen to your tummy. Is it really hungry, or are you just bored?"

Toblerone - "I'll go get my OWN thnack. I'm getting Nilla waferth and wowwipopth."

Mum - "Oh no you aren't! You will eat when MOMMY says it's time to eat."

Toblerone - "You're MEEAAN! I'm going to thtarve to death and you don't care!"
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I know that God has given me the children I was MEANT to have. However, He has yet to show me how to DEAL with their needs appropriately. I have one child who I can't get to gain enough weight and one that I can't get to STOP gaining weight. I'm sure you all know me well enough to know that their weight issues are a huge concern for me. Suggestions anyone?