My Butt'th Bwoken!

Some of my readers know that I'm still struggling with Toblerone to potty train. I have tried many things and am starting to think that maybe he just isn't ready yet...OR he's just too busy to take the time to try. Nevertheless, I keep trying. After all, he's 3 feet 9 1/2 inches tall now, 60lbs and we can't find diapers in his size...what choice do I have???? At this point, I have 3 choices:

A) Use "Goodnights" as pull-ups.
B) Use underwear and cloth diapers
C) Let him run around naked

I've tried option A and can't afford to buy those suckers every week. We're currently doing option B and I've tried option C a few times. But there's a problem with option C. It's messy and Toblerone HATES to be naked. The first time I tried him all-natural, he cried for 5 minutes and kept following me around with a Goodnight pull-up BEGGING me to help him put it on. The second time I refused to put clothes on him....THIS happened:

Toblerone: *Feeling vulnerable, he runs and grabs a pull-up* "Mama...help! Don't like being naked."

Mum: "Sorry Toblerone, but you need to go in the big boy potty."

Toblerone: "No. Don't like it."

Mum: "Well, you need to learn, honey. You're a big boy now. Big boys go in the potty."

Toblerone gets a thoughtful look on his face. Here, I'm thinking he's actually pondering what I'm saying. Nope....next thing I know, there's a puddle of pee on the floor. At least I know what his "pee face" looks like now.

Mum: "Toblerone....you NEED to use the potty!!!"

Toblerone says he's sorry then holds the pull up to me. Again, I refuse. He trots off to go play. Not even one minute later, he comes back holding his butt.

Toblerone: "Mama...I got hole."

Mum: *trying to keep it together* "Yes honey. We ALL have holes."

Toblerone then discovers his butt HAS A CRACK. He get's this really worried look on his face and says:

Toblerone: "My butt'th BWOKEN!"

OK...I couldn't keep it together anymore. I LOST it! I was laughing SOOO hard! Toblerone didn't think it was funny....

Toblerone: "Mama!!! My butt....it'th BWOKEN!!! NO LAUGH!"

I compose myself and try and explain to him that EVERYONE has a crack. God gave us ALL cracks...if we didn't have a crack in our butt, we would have one BIG butt cheek and that would look silly (I tried to keep the explanation on HIS level). Then, he started going through EVERYONE we know...

Toblerone: "Witha (Melissa) hath crack? Bewa (Bella)? Hayden? Daddy? Triscuit? Fenther (Spencer)?"

Mum: "Yes, Toblerone...EVERYONE has a crack."

This seemed to calm him down and believe it or not, we have a successful potty training afternoon (yay). Then DADDY comes home.

Weenie walks through the door. I ask Toblerone to tell Weenie what's wrong with his butt.

Toblerone: *walks up to Weenie, turns around and pats his butt* "Daddy...my butt bwoken. Mama tell me Witha, Bewa and Triscuit'th butt bwoken, too!"

Forget trying to keep my laugh lines and crows feet at bay. It's not possible with what my children come up with. The innocence of Toblerone's wonderment is just fantastic! For these moments, I'm willing to live with my laugh lines!

Sarcasm Runs in the Family. Imagine That.

Triscuit has come out with some good ones lately. You already know about the first few days of school and how he ever-so-knowingly shoved in my face that "He KNEW how to do it (math)". Well, it only gets better.

We have the "School Triscuit"....one who has matured greatly this summer. Yes, he's doing fantastic (Thank you God), but one thing I wasn't expecting with that maturity was him coming into his new found personality....Sir Sarcasm. Imagine I'm teaching Triscuit something in Language Arts (otherwise known as "English").

Mum: (Reading a passage from a book called "Clara and the Bookwagon". Mind you, Triscuit has already read the book silently) "What was the main character's name?"

Triscuit: "Seriously?"

Mum: "Yes, Triscuit. These are the questions...just answer it, please."

Triscuit: "Clara"

Mum: "Thank you. Next question...Where did the story take place?"

Triscuit: *rolls eyes*..."On a farm in Maine"

Mum: "Triscuit...mind your attitude please."

Triscuit: "Sorry Mama, but these questions are easy."

Mum: "Good...that just means you understood what you read. Next question. What did Clara want to do?"

Triscuit: "Read"

Mum: "What was her father's attitude towards her wanting to read?"

Triscuit: "He didn't want her to...which is MEAN."

Mum: (Trying to keep a straight face). "Why do you think he was mean?"

Triscuit: "Just because HE couldn't read doesn't mean SHE can't learn!"

Mum: "I know...but that's how things were back then. Work was more important than education."

Triscuit: "Whatever."

I know you all are probably laughing right now, but keeping the Mommy and Teacher separate is REALLY hard. I wanted to laugh too, but I couldn't. WAIT...it gets better. I was teaching History today (the lesson was an introduction to Julius Caesar). Of course, after every lesson there are assessment questions (little quizzes...just to make sure he understood the lesson).

Mum: "Who did we learn about today?"

Triscuit: "Julius Caesar."

Mum: "What kind of person was Julius Caesar?"

Triscuit: "Ummm...nice? *Mumbles* "I don't know...I didn't know him."

OK...At this point I wanted to laugh. But of course, I couldn't.

Mum: "Triscuit. Answer the question with a SERIOUS answer...."

Triscuit: *shoots me an unknowing glance*..."Nice? Hero? Smart? Knew how to fight?"

Mum: "See? That wasn't so hard. Just answer it and move on."

These little things are happening all the time. He thinks it's funny and knows how to carry it off without being too obvious that he KNOWS what he's doing.

Now...on to "Brother Triscuit". I know that sibling rivalry is normal. I also know that because there is a 5 year difference between the two, things can get a little hairy. I half expect Triscuit to understand that Toblerone is only 3. But, he doesn't. He's getting to the point where he "gets it", but he's not quite there. Understand that things are waaaay different with Triscuit now. His room is off limits to his brother and often keeps the door locked (we encourage this...Toblerone has been known to completely destroy Triscuits room within minutes). While playing the other day, Toblerone (who also has become ornery) decides he's going to snatch a toy from Triscuits room and run (Triscuit forgot to lock his door). Toberlone BOLTS upstairs...obviously knowing what he was going for, snatches a Bionicle and RUNS for his life!

Triscuit: "TOBLERONE!!! THAT'S MY BIOLICLE!!! GIVE IT BACK!"

Toblerone: *Squealing with laughter and pure orneriness* ..."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Triscuit: *Goes to smack his brother*

Mum: "TRISCUIT! Don't even THINK about it!"

Triscuit: "But MOOOOM! He went to my room and TOOK my Bionicle! He won't give it BACK!"

Mum: "Did you lock your door?"

Triscuit: "No...I forgot...BUT...!"

Mum: "Toberlone...give it to Mama."

Toblerone: *Reluctantly gives it over*

Mum: "Toblerone...go say you're sorry to Triscuit."

Toblerone does as he's told, sits in time out for 3 minutes, and runs off to create more havoc somewhere else.

Mum: *Handing the Bionicle over to Triscuit* "Triscuit...remember, Toblerone is only 3."

Triscuit: "That's no excuse."

Mum: "What?"

Triscuit: "He knew what he was doing...why didn't you spank him? Why didn't you ground him?"

Mum: "He's not old enough to understand "grounding" and his actions don't require a spanking. (my kids only get spanked when it's a SERIOUS offense). A time out and an apology worked just fine, Triscuit."

Triscuit: "It's not FAIR! It's SOOOOO not fair!"

Mum: "Let Daddy and I decide what's fair and what's not. OK?"

Triscuit: "If he was MY kid, he'd be in BIG trouble."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I wanted SO badly to say, "Come talk to me about that in about 20 years", but I didn't.

Then, there's the "Son Triscuit". Ooooh....THIS facade of Triscuit is getting REALLY mouthy. About a week ago, he almost lost his privileged to speak. Triscuit was brushing his teeth (and him being a typical boy, does a half-cocked job). The dentist asked me to go over his teeth after he's done brushing until he can understand how IMPORTANT it is to keep them clean (again, this is part of the ADHD thing). Here's the conversation.

Mum: "Triscuit...where did you put your toothbrush?"

Triscuit: *Glances in the direction of his toothbrush*

Mum: "Triscuit...answer me. Where is your toothbrush?"

Triscuit: *gives me a LOOK*

Mum: *I give him a LOOK back*

Triscuit: "It's right there. What? Did you think it was invisible?"

Oh no he didn't! My mouth dropped. LUCKILY, Weenie was there to hear it, too! We both just looked at each other...we were DUMBFOUNDED!

Weenie: "Where do you get off talking to your Mother like that????"

At this point, Triscuit knew he went from being funny to crossing the line.

Triscuit: "But Daddy...!"

Weenie: "That was RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL! Do you want soap now or later? Tell Mama you're sorry.....NOW."

Triscuit comes over and hugs me, says he's sorry and that he didn't mean to be rude. I KNOW this is going to happen again. After all...he IS my son and he comes by his sarcasm honestly. I just didn't expect it to be this early in life!

I'm BAAAAAACK!

I guess I should have warned all of you that I was going to take the summer off. If was an impromptu decision. Basically, I needed to brain fart for a while (plus, it doesn't help that I'm addicted to Farmtown on Facebook). After last school year, the summer was a welcomed break. Fighting with Triscuit over school everyday was really wearing me out. Plus, having to keep Toblerone busy all the time during Triscuits schooling was also pretty tiring. The older Toblerone gets, the faster he gets bored. I was having to come up with new strategies everyday to keep him quiet and busy! But alas...I'm back...and we're back to school. *sigh*.

Triscuit began school again on August 3rd. If I remember correctly, I did inform you all that Triscuit was going to repeat 2nd grade. We have begun this process...and it's turning out to be excellent! The first day back is usually the hardest. Getting back into the routine can be rough...getting up, getting breakfast, taking his medication, having a bit of playtime (also allowing time for the medication to take effect) THEN buckling down. It was a little difficult, but not TOO bad. Then, the "blow away" began. The second day he started off with, "Mom, I want to start school". When he said that, I about fell over! So, instead of letting him have playtime, I got his math book out. He sat down, took his pencil out and looked at his lesson. I began to reteach the lesson (basic addition). He gives me this look:


and says:

Triscuit: "Mom...I KNOW how to do this."

Well...EXCUSE me! Usually, I would be upset with him taking this attitude with me...but I'll let this one slide. Triscuit finished 4 lessons in an hour! Then, we went on to Language arts. Mind you, THIS subject is NOT a repeat. Because he was always a year behind in Phonics and Language arts, we are now doing all work at grade level. He BLEW through an Aesop fable...he read it SILENTLY (which is a HUGE thing for him), answered ALL the questions correctly AND told me the moral of the story (without any help). He went on to read on his own, then practiced his handwriting for 30 minutes. Science was next. He was able to name all the scientific tools I showed him...again, with no help. I swear...it's like teaching a totally different child! It's AWESOME! If you think this happened just once, you're mistaken. This has happened EVERYDAY since. We are now on our 8th day of school...and it's the same. He would rather get school done and over with. He sits down, blows through his math in NO time flat...blows through his Language Arts with almost no problems (yesterday, he had a slight meltdown...but that was only because after he read a story, they asked some "critical thinking" questions...something he isn't used to), then blows through History and Science. He is really amazing me!!!! The whole purpose of him repeating his 2nd grade year was because, honestly, I didn't think he retained that much last year and he didn't complete all required lessons to continue on to 3rd grade. With all the problems he had sitting still, focusing, listening, reading...ANYTHING that required concentration, it just didn't seem he learned much. BOY...was I WRONG! YES...I said it...and I will say it again...I WAS WRONG (mark that on your calendar...because I won't admit it again for a while)!!!

So, that's what life is like right now. Back to the school grindstone....all I have to do is figure out what to do with Toblerone. HE'S a whole other post I will try and get to later today!

Thank you to those who were kind enough to ask "Where the heck I went". I appreciate the fact you guys care! Oh...and I promise the next post will be WAAAY funnier!