*SIGH*....ADHD It Is....

As I sit here and write this, I'm trying to find the "funny" in this one. This is more of a serious post...but there are a few funny things.

Since today was the "big day", I woke up nervous as all get out. I didn't realize that I was so scared to hear the inevitable. The appointment today was between the developmental specialist and myself. An HOUR LONG appointment. Yes, it was draining and yes, it was VERY difficult, but it had to be done....and I am SO glad I did it.

I went into the appointment armed with a plethora of information on Triscuit. Not only the packet of information I had to fill out, but further information I gathered about his behaviors on a day to day basis. Because I'm not only playing the "mom" role, but also the "teacher" role, I had to switch between the two during the appointment. Now I know what schizophrenics feel like. She would ask me questions and wouldn't specify if I was supposed to answer as "Mom" or "Teacher". It got rather comical after a while, so she would say, "OK...this question is for your "Teacher" self." I found it funny. Here's how it went (and no, this is not word for word, but pretty darn close. I've been thinking about every thing she's said for the past 10 hours). We will start past the introduction phase:

Mary Coontz: "So...tell me what's going on with Triscuit"

Mum: "Well, this little issue was brought to my attention during his Kindergarten year. His teacher flat out told me, 2 months into the school year, that she was pretty sure Triscuit had A.D.D."

M.C.: "Oh? What brought her to that conclusion?"

Mum: "She stated that he was unable to pay attention, sit in a chair, he would interrupt during class and be very impulsive in his actions. I didn't buy into that. She had only been his teacher for 2 months, he was also a very young 5 year old when he started, so I thought (as well as Weenie) that his "symptoms" were age related.

M.C.: "Good point. Why did you decide to home school him?"

Poor woman....she had no idea what I was about to unleash....

Mum: "Because Weenie and I decided NOT to get him tested (for two reasons...one, because we felt it was a cop out on her part and two, we had no health insurance), she kind of "gave up" on him. His teacher was rather notorious for being impatient. Let's just say Triscuit was constantly in trouble...and it wasn't just for behavioral issues...it was for stupid things that a normal 5 year old boy would do. He wouldn't conform to her view of a perfect student, so she put him on a behavioral plan. Because he was constantly in trouble, he began to hate school. He would cry and fight with me in the morning because he didn't want to go to school. He went from being a happy go lucky child into being an angry and rather depressed child. He felt like he could do nothing right, so why try? Weenie and I decided to try home schooling to help him regain his confidence and learn to LOVE learning again."

M.C.: "Wow! I totally agree with your decision! If I could have done that with MY son, I would have. My son spent his 4th grade year in a desk in the corner...by himself. My son is the reason I got into this field. A.D.D. wasn't something that was commonly known back then, so these options weren't there for him. How has home schooling panned out?"

Mum: "Because of his teacher and Triscuits unwillingness to even try in school, he began his first grade year doing Kindergarten phonics and language arts. His first grade year was rather uneventful. Yes, we had the issues of him not being able to sit still and talking out of turn, but again, I attributed that to his age. It was something that I could live with. He seemed to be learning at a rapid rate, so I wasn't concerned. But THIS year....it all hit the fan. The school year started out rather uneventful, but as time progressed and new concepts were introduced...he lost ALL confidence. It was more difficult for him to sit still. It was easier for him to be distracted. Although he can recite to me the school rules, he seems to forget them EVERY DAY. His impulsiveness is rather scary and his emotions/anger are starting to get out of control."

M.C.: "Let's look at the paperwork you filled out."

On this paperwork, it lists different areas and gives you a rating of 1-5....5 being the most problematic. It has 2 forms that his "teacher" would fill out and 2 forms for the parents to fill out.

M.C.: "Let me tell you Triscuit's score. His academic score is a 9 out of 10 in severity...10 being the most severe. In other words, his academic performance is far below standard."

Mum: "That's the main reason I decided to seek help for him. When his ability to learn started suffering, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore."

M.C.: "You did the right thing. I admire the fact that you've taken it upon yourself to REALLY rule out whether it was age or something more serious. I like the fact that both "Mom" and "Teacher" are right in front of me! It makes MY job MUCH easier! Now, I want to ask about his social abilities. How is he with other children? How is he in a group setting?"

Mum: "Because he's home schooled, he doesn't have the typical day to day interaction with other kids his age. Weenie and I were thinking of putting him back in a normal school next year, but quickly realized that would further harm him (if you will) emotionally without getting him help."

M.C.: "Oh...PLEASE don't put him back into a normal school....NOT until his behaviors are under control. You're absolutely correct...that would do MORE harm to him and his psyche. He already feels like he can't do anything right...with him being in a normal school situation, not only will he have performance anxiety, but he will have his behaviors (which ARE out of control, by the way) to tackle. It's VERY difficult for a child in his position to look at the big picture."

Mum: "Yes...he has tunnel vision. He doesn't think about the consequences of his actions until AFTER he's done them. He will often say, "I don't know why I did that Mama..." or, "I forgot". He's VERY impulsive in every aspect of his life."

M.C.: "Those two phrases, 'I forgot' and 'I don't know why' are the passwords with kids in his situation. How do his peers treat him?"

Mum: "Well...Triscuit is often hard to take. He talks CONSTANTLY...about anything and everything. Often, there are times where he cannot focus on just ONE thing he enjoys...he has to talk about everything under the sun. He's rather immature when it comes to his social skills...but then again, he always HAS been. He's a very social child and tries to make friends everywhere he goes, but the other kids around him have a difficult time handling him. Adults even find him annoying."

M.C.: "I hate to say this, but that's rather typical. So, he talks all the time? What about during school?"

Mum: "His learning coach and I have tried various things to get him to focus...giving him tokens to say things that don't pertain to a subject...then once those tokens are gone, he cannot talk anymore. Needless to say, that hasn't worked AT ALL. He is ALWAYS the last to finish a meal because he talks constantly. Regardless of how many times we say, "Triscuit, be quiet and eat", it's almost as if he doesn't hear us. He just keeps going and going..."

M.C.: "Energizer Bunny, huh?"

Mum: "Exactly. His motor NEVER shuts down and NEVER gets tired. He looks tired all the time. He doesn't sleep well. He lays in bed, talking to himself or his stuffed animals and then passes out from exhaustion. He then gets up as SOON as there is daylight."

M.C.: "Next thing....family history. Anyone in the family (on either side) have problems with A.D.D. or A.D.H.D? How about depression? Any mental retardation?"

Mum: "Yup. Weenie was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. in his 20's. While talking to Weenie's dad, I found out that Weenie wasn't the only one who had attention problems. Also, growing up, I had difficulty with school...but mine was more depression. I had problems reading. I often wouldn't try something because I didn't want to fail at it...yet AGAIN. My self esteem sucked, too, so everything snowballed. Not only was I poor in school, it began to weigh on me physically. Eating disorder developed...yadda yadda yadda....need I go on?"

M.C.: "No, honey. I get the picture. Does Triscuit have any siblings? If so, how does he treat them?"

Mum: "He has a younger brother. Little brother is 2 and 1/2."

M.C.: "Five years difference, huh? Does Triscuit understand that little brother is so much younger?"

Mum: "No. He knows he's 2 and 1/2, but doesn't cut his brother any slack. He treats him as if he's his equal. He expects little brother to understand everything he says and does. If younger brother doesn't get it, he gets angry. I caught him yesterday punching his little brother then blatantly lying his way out of it and actually BLAMING little brother...saying that little brother hit HIM."

M.C.: "What did you do?"

Mum: "Yelled at him, spanked him for lying and hitting his brother, then sent him to his room until Weenie got home."

M.C.: "Did you say, 'WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Mum: "Yes."

M.C.: "What was his response? Did he finally admit to it?"

Mum: "He admitted it after Weenie got home and talked to him. He said he hit little brother because he didn't listen to him. This is an area where Weenie and I differ on our views. I WILL NOT put up with angry physical violence towards each other. Weenie thinks that it's normal. He grew up the oldest of 5 boys, so nothing phases him."

M.C.: "Well, if Weenie grew up having A.D.D. and so did his younger brother, than yes, that WAS normal.....FOR THAT HOUSEHOLD."

At this point, she gives me examples of what a "normal" 7 year old's behavior looks like. TALK ABOUT NIGHT AND DAY.

M.C.: "His anger issue concerns me. Often times, kids in his situation, again, don't see the big picture. They expect others to see things like they do. When that doesn't happen, they get angry. Also the fact that Triscuit can't wrap his mind around the fact that he's dealing with a 2 1/2 year old sibling is concerning. Kids his age will often at least understand the they are much younger and not as "smart"."

M.C.: "I want to touch on his motor skills. When did he start talking?"

Mum: "He didn't start talking until he was 4. We had a developmental specialist test him THEN and she said that as long as he understood things, the talking wasn't as big of an issue."

M.C.: "Often times when children don't start talking at the right age, their reading and writing abilities suffer later in life. This is just a question...did anything happen during his fetal development or during his birth?"

Mum: "Ummm...yes. Why?"

M.C.: "Can you elaborate?"

Mum: "I was 10 days past my due date. I went in on July 6th for an induction appointment. While checking on him, they couldn't locate his heartbeat. They quickly hooked me up to the ultrasound and found the cord wrapped around his neck. I had an emergency c-section about 10 minutes later. The cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times and there was hardly any amniotic fluid left in my womb. He was a bluish color after he was delivered, but he quickly rebounded and gained normal infant coloring."

M.C.: "Hmmm. So there was really no way of knowing how long that cord was around his neck, huh?"

Mum: "I asked the doctors that. They told me no. They said that we wouldn't know if any real damage had been done until he was developing into toddlerhood. He WAS checked and nothing was ever noted."

M.C.: "OK...what I want to do is a few things. First of all, I DO believe he has ADHD. His behaviors are very problematic and the fact that he is bordering on depression concerns me. However, I believe the depression is because of the fact that he is always in trouble and he feels he can do nothing right. On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being the most severe), Triscuit rates at a 9."

At this point, I start to cry. I HATE to cry....but I couldn't help it.

M.C.: "It's ok....you can cry! That's why we have kleenex! Can you tell me why you're crying?"

Mum: "I just want the best for Triscuit. I don't want him growing up thinking he's a bad kid. I want him to have confidence in life. I want him to get MORE out of life, in general! I don't want him to be afraid to go for his goals."

M.C.: "Well, there IS hope. I mentioned MY son earlier. He's a very successful pilot now. It took him a little longer to reach his goal, but he did it. The fact that you caught Triscuit's this early, gives him more of a head start."

Mum: "I just feel so bad for him. Poor little guy."

M.C.: "The OTHER thing I want to do is administer a series of neurological tests."

Mum: "Why?"

M.C.: "Because of the nature of his birth and the possible lack of oxygen to his brain, I want to make sure that all of his wires are crossing where there supposed to be."

I'm thinking, 'So, in other words, you want to make sure he's not a window-licker...'

Mum: "There hasn't been any questions brought up about mental retardation...."

M.C.: "I'm not saying he's mentally handicapped, I'm saying that he COULD have a slight developmental delay. I will be checking his eyesight, his hearing, his reaction times to different situations. I will be testing just HOW long he can pay attention to something. Also, if it's something he LIKES to do, how long it takes him to STOP doing it (I DID mention to her that Triscuit will throw fits if you ask him to stop doing something he's enjoying)."

She comes back to the room with a packet of information on behavioral classes AND medication. She already knew my opposition to medication prior to the appointment because of Dr. L's notes. She assured me that he will NOT lose his personality. She said the only time she has ever seen that is if a child was on WAAAAY too much medication.

The appointment is pretty much over with, so I go to make the appointment for the neurological testing (mind you, no meds will be given or classes started until AFTER the testing is complete). Get this....February 6th was the EARLIEST appointment!!! *SIGH*...yes, it's a few months away, but it's not the end of the world.

So...the diagnosis is a positive. However, the TYPE of ADHD has yet to be determined. There are so many facets to this disorder that it's mind boggling! As I learn more, I will update more.

Also, as sad as this seems, I KNOW it's not a diagnosis that is life-threatening. This is a manageable disorder. I'm a strong mommy. My desire for my children is that they have more opportunities in life than I had. These issues were just being investigated as we grew up, so our parents didn't have a clue what to do. I have to give my parents and my in-laws credit for being so patient with US. Our parents have raised incredible children despite any behavioral/developmental issues! All I ask is for you all to pray. Pray that God gives me patience. Pray that God gives Triscuit understanding as to what's going on in his mind.

When I opened up "Cheesburger" today, I saw this...I think God knew I needed to laugh about this! I hope it makes you laugh, too.

Mom? Was That YOU???? Oh Wait....

Something just flew out of my mouth that I have NEVER heard myself say (or think).....

As Triscuit and Toblerone were running around with the usual afternoon spazzies (the hours between 3 and 5 are "spaz" time in this house), they begun opening and SLAMMING closed doors.

Mum: "TRISCUIT!!! TOBLERONE!!! STOP SLAMMING DOORS! You guys need to come downstairs, sit in the living room and SETTLE DOWN!"

Of course, I'm either NOT heard or they're deliberately ignoring me...

Mum: "TRISCUIT....TOBLERONE....NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Again, no response other than intense shrieking and yelling from room to room....

Mum: "DO NOT MAKE ME COME UP THERE!!!!"

Ummmmmm........WHAT did I just say?!?!?! I could have sworn my Mother just jumped into my body and took over!

The "sound like your Mother" file just increased in size.....

I wonder what will fly out of my mouth NEXT time?

NO! MINE!!!!!

Ah yes....the ever so wonderful world of a 2 year old. Now that Toblerone is saying simple sentences (and yes, he HAS said a few more sentences...unfortunately, the subject matter has involved poop everytime...), his knowledge is expanding QUICKLY. Many words are still a little unclear, but because I'm "mommy", I can understand what he wants. Here are some new words the little booger has begun to say:

Wa'er - Water
Pees - Please (no longer just the long "E" sound we were hearing before. He has actually added CONSONANTS).
Poop - Self Explanatory...I don't see a need to expand on that, do you? Ew.
Hep - Help
Mower - More
Dod - Dog
Mauw - Cat (we're still working on the "K" sound)
Tee - Tree
Choo Choo - Train.
Rang - Rain
O Daba Daba - Yo Gabba Gabba (goody)
Wow wow - Wow Wow Wubsy
A Bup! - A Bug! (he's not really fond of the flying ones)
Arf - Bear (our dog)
Voom - Car (again, still working on the "K" sound)
Yayo - Yoda (Weenie is a HUGE Star Wars geek)
Pup - Cup (again, "K" sound)

Then there are my favorite (sarcasm) words of all....
"NO!" and "MINE!"

I think, as a parent, we ALL dread the day that our children learn those words....especially if they have siblings. When Triscuit was little, we never heard the word "mine" come from his mouth. He didn't have anyone to compete with...but Toblerone? I think the word "mine" is his favorite word to say. Then, of course, Triscuit just exacerbates the problem by egging him on. Take today, for instance....

While we were doing phonics, Triscuit decides to shove his pencil in Toblerone's face and say, "Toblerone...this is MY pencil." Now, is that NOT egging Toblerone on? Of COURSE it is. Toblerone responds with a shriek, takes a lunge for the pencil and begins to scream..."MINE! MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!" Of course, Triscuit is smiling a very ornery smile the entire time Toblerone is throwing a fit. Then there's me....trying to contain a 45 pound 2 year old. Needless to say, my arms are sore.

The OTHER word that just rubs me the wrong way is, "NO". The only thing is, he thinks it's FUNNY when he says "NO". Example:

Mum: "Toblerone...pick up your toys and put them in the toy basket."

Toblerone: "No." (said with a smile)

Mum: "Don't tell Mama 'No'! Pick up your toys....NOW."

Toblerone: "No!" (head shaking 'No' at the same time)

Mum: "1.....2......3!"

As I get up from my chair to do some "hands on" motivation, he gets up and RUNS. The entire time he's running...he's LAUGHING. As upset as I am at him, I have a REALLY hard time keeping a straight face. He's doing this hysterical laugh! He's laughing SO hard that he has a hard time running. BUT...once I get a hold of him, he realizes that Mommy isn't joking. In case you haven't noticed, I have a hard time "physically" punishing my kids. My dad was the only one that spanked my sister and I. My mom just yelled. I'm learning, QUICKLY, that yelling doesn't work. They tune me out SO fast. I've tried time out, I've tried the "1,2,3" method. None of these work really well. The ONLY thing they respond to is the spoon (or Weenie). I really HATE using it. For those of you that have boys, I would LOVE some input on how you deal with these issues.

Another thing that Toblerone has been doing lately is barging in on you while you are in the loo. Because he can no longer be contained by anything inert (unless it's a double bolted door AND the key is somewhere he can't reach), the whole house is fair game. He seems to have this sixth sense when someone is in the bathroom. I've tried sneaking out of the room to take a quick respit. I've even tried going with NO light on....he STILL hunts you down. It's like "Jaws"....

Du nu..du nu....du nu, du nu, du nu....

*the sound of little feet clunking down the stairs*

...du nu, dunudunudunu...

*Toblerone busts through the door*

Toblerone: "MAMA! Poop?"

*sigh*..........................................................

I have no privacy.

*Ding* Fries Are Done

I know...obscure title, but since it's December, the traditional Christmas music has been shoved down our throats since Thanksgiving day (and mind you, that was only 4 days ago). Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and I do enjoy Christmas music, but holy crap people! Does it have to be on 24/7 EVERYWHERE you go? Since traditional Christmas music gets a little old after a while, I have a tendency to find the "odd" Christmas songs. One of my favorites is, "Ding, Fries are Done". Artist: I wish I knew. Anyway, here's the link so you guys can listen to it. Yes...the guys sounds a little "special", but it's funny nonetheless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMSaJ1KkqQI

On that note...yes...Christmas is here. We actually got into the holiday spirit the day after Thanksgiving. We re-arranged furniture, put up the tree (fake. I refuse to have a real Christmas tree until Toblerone calms down a bit), hung lights on the house and then went to decorate the tree. What did we find? BREAKABLE ornaments. When Triscuit was little, he rarely got into anything. He listened REALLY well to what we told him (*Sigh*...what happened to that?). When he was told to stay away from the tree, he did so. As for Toblerone? He seems to do the exact OPPOSITE of what you tell him to do. So, instead of risking it, we went and bought PLASTIC, shatter-proof ornaments. Good thing too. Here's what it's been like for the past 3 days.

Mum: "Toblerone! Do NOT pull on the tree!"

What does he do? Yup...he pulls on the tree. Yes, he got in trouble. Did it phase him? No. The only person that he responds to is Weenie. The only time he will respond to me is when I get the spoon.

Mum: "Toblerone! Stop throwing the ball at the tree!"

What does he do? He throws the ball at the angel on top of the tree. The kid has GREAT aim and hits the angel topper. With a hard thud, the angel lands on the floor. Good thing it was plastic.

Here's my favorite...

Mum: "Toblerone! Leave the ornaments alone!"

He turns a deaf ear. I'm yelling at him to stop. I try the "1, 2, 3" method, I try pulling him away from the tree, then I try the dreaded spanking method (and as I've mentioned, he isn't afraid of MY spankings unless the spoon is in hand). All the while, he's yelling, "Mama! Ball! Ball! Ball!!!" I try and explain that the ornaments are not balls for him to play with. What does he do? He finds another ball (I swear, he has a stash somewhere), a FOOTBALL (the most damage causing ball you can find) and begins to take aim. Before I knew it, there were at least 5 ornaments on the floor. So...guess what? All balls (of ANY kind) are NOT allowed in this house! Not until Christmas is over, anyway!

If my family is reading this....there are 3 things I want you to remember:

1. If you get Toblerone a ball, please make sure it's a Nerf ball or a stuffed ball of some sort. Yes, those can still cause damage, but at least the damage will be minimal.

2. Do NOT buy us anything breakable. Unless my boys decide they are going to mature beyond their years, the rough housing, fighting, throwing, etc...will NOT stop until they move out. Trust me....Weenie is the oldest of 5 boys. They STILL rough house when together.

3. If/When you come over and see chipped paint, spots on the floor, dirty hand prints/pencil markings on the wall, and a pile of "to be fixed" items in a corner? Remember...I have boys. As much as I try and mold them into well-behaved children, there is still that ornery streak that NEVER goes away. I love my children and I love their personalities. I wouldn't want them to be any different..but dear God in Heaven...do NOT get us anything nice! I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "And THIS is why we can't have nice things!" Well, imagine TWO of these (in human form, of course):

Was That...A Sentence?

Yay!!!! Toblerone has not only begun talking WAY more than before, but today...he ACTUALLY formed a simple sentence. I'm not REALLY thrilled on just WHAT that sentence was all about, but hey...I'm not picky.

While outside hanging up clothes on the clothes line (yes, I actually LIKE the smell of my clothes after they've been baking in the sun), Toblerone comes outside in his shirt and diaper. He tries to help me by throwing a pair of wet boxers at me and then notices something out of the corner of his eye. I'm not paying TOO much attention, after all...there isn't that much to get into out there. All of the sudden I hear...

Toblerone: "MAMA! Dod...poop!"

In case you didn't understand...."Mama! Dog..poop!"

Yes...low and behold their is our wonderful dog, Bear, popping a squat and pooping to his little hearts content. Toblerone is SO observant.

And in case you are wondering, I DID have to stop Toblerone from going to pick it up RIGHT AFTER the deed was done.

*HURP*! I was no longer hungry for dinner....