*SIGH*....ADHD It Is....

As I sit here and write this, I'm trying to find the "funny" in this one. This is more of a serious post...but there are a few funny things.

Since today was the "big day", I woke up nervous as all get out. I didn't realize that I was so scared to hear the inevitable. The appointment today was between the developmental specialist and myself. An HOUR LONG appointment. Yes, it was draining and yes, it was VERY difficult, but it had to be done....and I am SO glad I did it.

I went into the appointment armed with a plethora of information on Triscuit. Not only the packet of information I had to fill out, but further information I gathered about his behaviors on a day to day basis. Because I'm not only playing the "mom" role, but also the "teacher" role, I had to switch between the two during the appointment. Now I know what schizophrenics feel like. She would ask me questions and wouldn't specify if I was supposed to answer as "Mom" or "Teacher". It got rather comical after a while, so she would say, "OK...this question is for your "Teacher" self." I found it funny. Here's how it went (and no, this is not word for word, but pretty darn close. I've been thinking about every thing she's said for the past 10 hours). We will start past the introduction phase:

Mary Coontz: "So...tell me what's going on with Triscuit"

Mum: "Well, this little issue was brought to my attention during his Kindergarten year. His teacher flat out told me, 2 months into the school year, that she was pretty sure Triscuit had A.D.D."

M.C.: "Oh? What brought her to that conclusion?"

Mum: "She stated that he was unable to pay attention, sit in a chair, he would interrupt during class and be very impulsive in his actions. I didn't buy into that. She had only been his teacher for 2 months, he was also a very young 5 year old when he started, so I thought (as well as Weenie) that his "symptoms" were age related.

M.C.: "Good point. Why did you decide to home school him?"

Poor woman....she had no idea what I was about to unleash....

Mum: "Because Weenie and I decided NOT to get him tested (for two reasons...one, because we felt it was a cop out on her part and two, we had no health insurance), she kind of "gave up" on him. His teacher was rather notorious for being impatient. Let's just say Triscuit was constantly in trouble...and it wasn't just for behavioral issues...it was for stupid things that a normal 5 year old boy would do. He wouldn't conform to her view of a perfect student, so she put him on a behavioral plan. Because he was constantly in trouble, he began to hate school. He would cry and fight with me in the morning because he didn't want to go to school. He went from being a happy go lucky child into being an angry and rather depressed child. He felt like he could do nothing right, so why try? Weenie and I decided to try home schooling to help him regain his confidence and learn to LOVE learning again."

M.C.: "Wow! I totally agree with your decision! If I could have done that with MY son, I would have. My son spent his 4th grade year in a desk in the corner...by himself. My son is the reason I got into this field. A.D.D. wasn't something that was commonly known back then, so these options weren't there for him. How has home schooling panned out?"

Mum: "Because of his teacher and Triscuits unwillingness to even try in school, he began his first grade year doing Kindergarten phonics and language arts. His first grade year was rather uneventful. Yes, we had the issues of him not being able to sit still and talking out of turn, but again, I attributed that to his age. It was something that I could live with. He seemed to be learning at a rapid rate, so I wasn't concerned. But THIS year....it all hit the fan. The school year started out rather uneventful, but as time progressed and new concepts were introduced...he lost ALL confidence. It was more difficult for him to sit still. It was easier for him to be distracted. Although he can recite to me the school rules, he seems to forget them EVERY DAY. His impulsiveness is rather scary and his emotions/anger are starting to get out of control."

M.C.: "Let's look at the paperwork you filled out."

On this paperwork, it lists different areas and gives you a rating of 1-5....5 being the most problematic. It has 2 forms that his "teacher" would fill out and 2 forms for the parents to fill out.

M.C.: "Let me tell you Triscuit's score. His academic score is a 9 out of 10 in severity...10 being the most severe. In other words, his academic performance is far below standard."

Mum: "That's the main reason I decided to seek help for him. When his ability to learn started suffering, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore."

M.C.: "You did the right thing. I admire the fact that you've taken it upon yourself to REALLY rule out whether it was age or something more serious. I like the fact that both "Mom" and "Teacher" are right in front of me! It makes MY job MUCH easier! Now, I want to ask about his social abilities. How is he with other children? How is he in a group setting?"

Mum: "Because he's home schooled, he doesn't have the typical day to day interaction with other kids his age. Weenie and I were thinking of putting him back in a normal school next year, but quickly realized that would further harm him (if you will) emotionally without getting him help."

M.C.: "Oh...PLEASE don't put him back into a normal school....NOT until his behaviors are under control. You're absolutely correct...that would do MORE harm to him and his psyche. He already feels like he can't do anything right...with him being in a normal school situation, not only will he have performance anxiety, but he will have his behaviors (which ARE out of control, by the way) to tackle. It's VERY difficult for a child in his position to look at the big picture."

Mum: "Yes...he has tunnel vision. He doesn't think about the consequences of his actions until AFTER he's done them. He will often say, "I don't know why I did that Mama..." or, "I forgot". He's VERY impulsive in every aspect of his life."

M.C.: "Those two phrases, 'I forgot' and 'I don't know why' are the passwords with kids in his situation. How do his peers treat him?"

Mum: "Well...Triscuit is often hard to take. He talks CONSTANTLY...about anything and everything. Often, there are times where he cannot focus on just ONE thing he enjoys...he has to talk about everything under the sun. He's rather immature when it comes to his social skills...but then again, he always HAS been. He's a very social child and tries to make friends everywhere he goes, but the other kids around him have a difficult time handling him. Adults even find him annoying."

M.C.: "I hate to say this, but that's rather typical. So, he talks all the time? What about during school?"

Mum: "His learning coach and I have tried various things to get him to focus...giving him tokens to say things that don't pertain to a subject...then once those tokens are gone, he cannot talk anymore. Needless to say, that hasn't worked AT ALL. He is ALWAYS the last to finish a meal because he talks constantly. Regardless of how many times we say, "Triscuit, be quiet and eat", it's almost as if he doesn't hear us. He just keeps going and going..."

M.C.: "Energizer Bunny, huh?"

Mum: "Exactly. His motor NEVER shuts down and NEVER gets tired. He looks tired all the time. He doesn't sleep well. He lays in bed, talking to himself or his stuffed animals and then passes out from exhaustion. He then gets up as SOON as there is daylight."

M.C.: "Next thing....family history. Anyone in the family (on either side) have problems with A.D.D. or A.D.H.D? How about depression? Any mental retardation?"

Mum: "Yup. Weenie was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. in his 20's. While talking to Weenie's dad, I found out that Weenie wasn't the only one who had attention problems. Also, growing up, I had difficulty with school...but mine was more depression. I had problems reading. I often wouldn't try something because I didn't want to fail at it...yet AGAIN. My self esteem sucked, too, so everything snowballed. Not only was I poor in school, it began to weigh on me physically. Eating disorder developed...yadda yadda yadda....need I go on?"

M.C.: "No, honey. I get the picture. Does Triscuit have any siblings? If so, how does he treat them?"

Mum: "He has a younger brother. Little brother is 2 and 1/2."

M.C.: "Five years difference, huh? Does Triscuit understand that little brother is so much younger?"

Mum: "No. He knows he's 2 and 1/2, but doesn't cut his brother any slack. He treats him as if he's his equal. He expects little brother to understand everything he says and does. If younger brother doesn't get it, he gets angry. I caught him yesterday punching his little brother then blatantly lying his way out of it and actually BLAMING little brother...saying that little brother hit HIM."

M.C.: "What did you do?"

Mum: "Yelled at him, spanked him for lying and hitting his brother, then sent him to his room until Weenie got home."

M.C.: "Did you say, 'WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Mum: "Yes."

M.C.: "What was his response? Did he finally admit to it?"

Mum: "He admitted it after Weenie got home and talked to him. He said he hit little brother because he didn't listen to him. This is an area where Weenie and I differ on our views. I WILL NOT put up with angry physical violence towards each other. Weenie thinks that it's normal. He grew up the oldest of 5 boys, so nothing phases him."

M.C.: "Well, if Weenie grew up having A.D.D. and so did his younger brother, than yes, that WAS normal.....FOR THAT HOUSEHOLD."

At this point, she gives me examples of what a "normal" 7 year old's behavior looks like. TALK ABOUT NIGHT AND DAY.

M.C.: "His anger issue concerns me. Often times, kids in his situation, again, don't see the big picture. They expect others to see things like they do. When that doesn't happen, they get angry. Also the fact that Triscuit can't wrap his mind around the fact that he's dealing with a 2 1/2 year old sibling is concerning. Kids his age will often at least understand the they are much younger and not as "smart"."

M.C.: "I want to touch on his motor skills. When did he start talking?"

Mum: "He didn't start talking until he was 4. We had a developmental specialist test him THEN and she said that as long as he understood things, the talking wasn't as big of an issue."

M.C.: "Often times when children don't start talking at the right age, their reading and writing abilities suffer later in life. This is just a question...did anything happen during his fetal development or during his birth?"

Mum: "Ummm...yes. Why?"

M.C.: "Can you elaborate?"

Mum: "I was 10 days past my due date. I went in on July 6th for an induction appointment. While checking on him, they couldn't locate his heartbeat. They quickly hooked me up to the ultrasound and found the cord wrapped around his neck. I had an emergency c-section about 10 minutes later. The cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times and there was hardly any amniotic fluid left in my womb. He was a bluish color after he was delivered, but he quickly rebounded and gained normal infant coloring."

M.C.: "Hmmm. So there was really no way of knowing how long that cord was around his neck, huh?"

Mum: "I asked the doctors that. They told me no. They said that we wouldn't know if any real damage had been done until he was developing into toddlerhood. He WAS checked and nothing was ever noted."

M.C.: "OK...what I want to do is a few things. First of all, I DO believe he has ADHD. His behaviors are very problematic and the fact that he is bordering on depression concerns me. However, I believe the depression is because of the fact that he is always in trouble and he feels he can do nothing right. On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being the most severe), Triscuit rates at a 9."

At this point, I start to cry. I HATE to cry....but I couldn't help it.

M.C.: "It's ok....you can cry! That's why we have kleenex! Can you tell me why you're crying?"

Mum: "I just want the best for Triscuit. I don't want him growing up thinking he's a bad kid. I want him to have confidence in life. I want him to get MORE out of life, in general! I don't want him to be afraid to go for his goals."

M.C.: "Well, there IS hope. I mentioned MY son earlier. He's a very successful pilot now. It took him a little longer to reach his goal, but he did it. The fact that you caught Triscuit's this early, gives him more of a head start."

Mum: "I just feel so bad for him. Poor little guy."

M.C.: "The OTHER thing I want to do is administer a series of neurological tests."

Mum: "Why?"

M.C.: "Because of the nature of his birth and the possible lack of oxygen to his brain, I want to make sure that all of his wires are crossing where there supposed to be."

I'm thinking, 'So, in other words, you want to make sure he's not a window-licker...'

Mum: "There hasn't been any questions brought up about mental retardation...."

M.C.: "I'm not saying he's mentally handicapped, I'm saying that he COULD have a slight developmental delay. I will be checking his eyesight, his hearing, his reaction times to different situations. I will be testing just HOW long he can pay attention to something. Also, if it's something he LIKES to do, how long it takes him to STOP doing it (I DID mention to her that Triscuit will throw fits if you ask him to stop doing something he's enjoying)."

She comes back to the room with a packet of information on behavioral classes AND medication. She already knew my opposition to medication prior to the appointment because of Dr. L's notes. She assured me that he will NOT lose his personality. She said the only time she has ever seen that is if a child was on WAAAAY too much medication.

The appointment is pretty much over with, so I go to make the appointment for the neurological testing (mind you, no meds will be given or classes started until AFTER the testing is complete). Get this....February 6th was the EARLIEST appointment!!! *SIGH*...yes, it's a few months away, but it's not the end of the world.

So...the diagnosis is a positive. However, the TYPE of ADHD has yet to be determined. There are so many facets to this disorder that it's mind boggling! As I learn more, I will update more.

Also, as sad as this seems, I KNOW it's not a diagnosis that is life-threatening. This is a manageable disorder. I'm a strong mommy. My desire for my children is that they have more opportunities in life than I had. These issues were just being investigated as we grew up, so our parents didn't have a clue what to do. I have to give my parents and my in-laws credit for being so patient with US. Our parents have raised incredible children despite any behavioral/developmental issues! All I ask is for you all to pray. Pray that God gives me patience. Pray that God gives Triscuit understanding as to what's going on in his mind.

When I opened up "Cheesburger" today, I saw this...I think God knew I needed to laugh about this! I hope it makes you laugh, too.