Sarcasm Runs in the Family. Imagine That.

Triscuit has come out with some good ones lately. You already know about the first few days of school and how he ever-so-knowingly shoved in my face that "He KNEW how to do it (math)". Well, it only gets better.

We have the "School Triscuit"....one who has matured greatly this summer. Yes, he's doing fantastic (Thank you God), but one thing I wasn't expecting with that maturity was him coming into his new found personality....Sir Sarcasm. Imagine I'm teaching Triscuit something in Language Arts (otherwise known as "English").

Mum: (Reading a passage from a book called "Clara and the Bookwagon". Mind you, Triscuit has already read the book silently) "What was the main character's name?"

Triscuit: "Seriously?"

Mum: "Yes, Triscuit. These are the questions...just answer it, please."

Triscuit: "Clara"

Mum: "Thank you. Next question...Where did the story take place?"

Triscuit: *rolls eyes*..."On a farm in Maine"

Mum: "Triscuit...mind your attitude please."

Triscuit: "Sorry Mama, but these questions are easy."

Mum: "Good...that just means you understood what you read. Next question. What did Clara want to do?"

Triscuit: "Read"

Mum: "What was her father's attitude towards her wanting to read?"

Triscuit: "He didn't want her to...which is MEAN."

Mum: (Trying to keep a straight face). "Why do you think he was mean?"

Triscuit: "Just because HE couldn't read doesn't mean SHE can't learn!"

Mum: "I know...but that's how things were back then. Work was more important than education."

Triscuit: "Whatever."

I know you all are probably laughing right now, but keeping the Mommy and Teacher separate is REALLY hard. I wanted to laugh too, but I couldn't. WAIT...it gets better. I was teaching History today (the lesson was an introduction to Julius Caesar). Of course, after every lesson there are assessment questions (little quizzes...just to make sure he understood the lesson).

Mum: "Who did we learn about today?"

Triscuit: "Julius Caesar."

Mum: "What kind of person was Julius Caesar?"

Triscuit: "Ummm...nice? *Mumbles* "I don't know...I didn't know him."

OK...At this point I wanted to laugh. But of course, I couldn't.

Mum: "Triscuit. Answer the question with a SERIOUS answer...."

Triscuit: *shoots me an unknowing glance*..."Nice? Hero? Smart? Knew how to fight?"

Mum: "See? That wasn't so hard. Just answer it and move on."

These little things are happening all the time. He thinks it's funny and knows how to carry it off without being too obvious that he KNOWS what he's doing.

Now...on to "Brother Triscuit". I know that sibling rivalry is normal. I also know that because there is a 5 year difference between the two, things can get a little hairy. I half expect Triscuit to understand that Toblerone is only 3. But, he doesn't. He's getting to the point where he "gets it", but he's not quite there. Understand that things are waaaay different with Triscuit now. His room is off limits to his brother and often keeps the door locked (we encourage this...Toblerone has been known to completely destroy Triscuits room within minutes). While playing the other day, Toblerone (who also has become ornery) decides he's going to snatch a toy from Triscuits room and run (Triscuit forgot to lock his door). Toberlone BOLTS upstairs...obviously knowing what he was going for, snatches a Bionicle and RUNS for his life!

Triscuit: "TOBLERONE!!! THAT'S MY BIOLICLE!!! GIVE IT BACK!"

Toblerone: *Squealing with laughter and pure orneriness* ..."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Triscuit: *Goes to smack his brother*

Mum: "TRISCUIT! Don't even THINK about it!"

Triscuit: "But MOOOOM! He went to my room and TOOK my Bionicle! He won't give it BACK!"

Mum: "Did you lock your door?"

Triscuit: "No...I forgot...BUT...!"

Mum: "Toberlone...give it to Mama."

Toblerone: *Reluctantly gives it over*

Mum: "Toblerone...go say you're sorry to Triscuit."

Toblerone does as he's told, sits in time out for 3 minutes, and runs off to create more havoc somewhere else.

Mum: *Handing the Bionicle over to Triscuit* "Triscuit...remember, Toblerone is only 3."

Triscuit: "That's no excuse."

Mum: "What?"

Triscuit: "He knew what he was doing...why didn't you spank him? Why didn't you ground him?"

Mum: "He's not old enough to understand "grounding" and his actions don't require a spanking. (my kids only get spanked when it's a SERIOUS offense). A time out and an apology worked just fine, Triscuit."

Triscuit: "It's not FAIR! It's SOOOOO not fair!"

Mum: "Let Daddy and I decide what's fair and what's not. OK?"

Triscuit: "If he was MY kid, he'd be in BIG trouble."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I wanted SO badly to say, "Come talk to me about that in about 20 years", but I didn't.

Then, there's the "Son Triscuit". Ooooh....THIS facade of Triscuit is getting REALLY mouthy. About a week ago, he almost lost his privileged to speak. Triscuit was brushing his teeth (and him being a typical boy, does a half-cocked job). The dentist asked me to go over his teeth after he's done brushing until he can understand how IMPORTANT it is to keep them clean (again, this is part of the ADHD thing). Here's the conversation.

Mum: "Triscuit...where did you put your toothbrush?"

Triscuit: *Glances in the direction of his toothbrush*

Mum: "Triscuit...answer me. Where is your toothbrush?"

Triscuit: *gives me a LOOK*

Mum: *I give him a LOOK back*

Triscuit: "It's right there. What? Did you think it was invisible?"

Oh no he didn't! My mouth dropped. LUCKILY, Weenie was there to hear it, too! We both just looked at each other...we were DUMBFOUNDED!

Weenie: "Where do you get off talking to your Mother like that????"

At this point, Triscuit knew he went from being funny to crossing the line.

Triscuit: "But Daddy...!"

Weenie: "That was RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL! Do you want soap now or later? Tell Mama you're sorry.....NOW."

Triscuit comes over and hugs me, says he's sorry and that he didn't mean to be rude. I KNOW this is going to happen again. After all...he IS my son and he comes by his sarcasm honestly. I just didn't expect it to be this early in life!