Messy Conversations

No no no...this isn't about some embarrassing question or conversation we've had to have with Triscuit (although, I KNOW that's what you were thinking). This one is about Toblerone.

As I've mentioned before, my "little" 2 and 1/2 year old has begun to converse with us now. Every day, he comes out with another word that he's heard and has incorporated into his vocabulary. He also has really begun to pronounced his words...and he takes his time. He enunciates VERY well, but when it comes to the sound "sssss"...it's a "th". Yes, he lisps. Although cute, it can be a little "messy". I'm thinking about investing in these...:

It's a blast carrying on a conversation with him, but he seems to be the MOST talkative during the most INAPPROPRIATE times.

I will go from least inappropriate to most inappropriate.

In last place....

WHILE MOMMY IS ON THE PHONE

It NEVER fails. The minute that phone rings, he's RIGHT there (I actually HATE to talk on the phone, so I don't get that many calls).

Toblerone: *finds the phone (regardless of where I may have hid it), grabs it and RUNS it to me. "Mama...PONE!" In a SHRILL and LOUD voice.

Mum: "OK Toblerone...Thank you."

Toblerone: "Welcome"

Mum: "Hello?"

Toblerone: "Hold....pone...talk"

Mum: "No Toblerone. You can't hold the phone and talk."

Toblerone: "Peeeeeeeth?"

Mum: "No. Go Play."

Toblerone: "No pay (play)...talk!"

If his ploys of asking NICELY don't work, he will resort to attention grabbing.

Toblerone: "MAMA! TOOKIE!"

Mum: "No...no cookie."

Toblerone: "Handy?"

Mum: "No Candy."

Toblerone: *beginning to whine*..."PEEEEEEEEEeeeetttthhhh?"

This can go on if I let it, but I will usually duck outside, quickly finish my conversation and come back in to a HOWLING good time.

Next to the last place:

ANYTIME I'M COOKING

I wouldn't mind him joining me in the kitchen if he wasn't INTO everything. As soon as he sees me getting pots and pans out...he's RIGHT there.

Toblerone: "Mama...dinner?"

Mum: "Yup. Mama's making dinner. Please, go play outside or go to your room and play."

Toblerone: "No pay...hep?"

Mum: "No thank you, honey. I don't need help."

Toblerone: *opens pantry* "Toblerone hep. Pearth?"

Mum: "I don't need your help honey...and no, we aren't having pears for dinner."

Toblerone: *runs to the fridge*..."Mama. Cheeth?"

Mum: "Hmm...actually, yes...I'll take the cheese. Thank you."

Toblerone: "Welcome. More? Hep?

Again, this can keep going on, but because of his age and lack of knowledge about things that can REALLY hurt him, he can't stay in there with me. He came dangerously close to putting his hand on the hot glass top stove once. Since then, it's been out of the question.

Runner up

RIGHT BEFORE BED

My kids are NO different from any other kid when it comes to bedtime. They HATE it. They would much rather stay up with Mom and Dad. After all, Mommy and Daddy usually party after the kids are in bed (yes...I'm kidding). We begin to get ready an hour before bedtime...that way, they have time to get it through their thick little heads that it's time for bed and Mommy and Daddy aren't going to cave. *DING DING DING* "Lllllllet's get ready to ruuuuuummmmbllllllleeee!"

Mum: "OK boys. Time to get ready for bed. Brush your teeth please."

Triscuit: "NOT FAIR! It's not 8:00! I want dessert."

Mum: "No dessert. Go brush your teeth....NOW."

Triscuit: *pouts and shuffles his feet while going to brush his teeth*

Toblerone: "No! No...bed...yet."

Mum: "Yes. Time for bed. Let's brush your teeth."

As I get his toothbrush ready, he's right by my side saying:

Toblerone: "Mama...Toblerone...brush MY teeth (touching his hand to his chest)."

Mum: "OK. But as soon as YOUR done brushing your teeth, Mama's going to help you."

Toblerone: *frowns* "No. Mama NO hep Toblerone."

Mum: "Mama needs to go over your teeth after your done."

He will USUALLY let me go over his teeth AFTER he's done chewing the heck out of his toothbrush, but we do have occasions where I have to CHASE him around the house to catch him first.

After that fiasco, comes either quiet playtime or reading.

Then....it's time for them to get into their beds.

Triscuit: "But I don't WANNA go to bed! I'm not tired!"

Most of the whining and carrying on comes from TRISCUIT.

Weenie: "It's time for bed. Come on...let's go pray."

While Weenie is praying for Triscuit and tucking him into bed, I'm in the other room getting Toblerone to relax. I will usually lay down next to him and wait until he's completely settled down. Lately however, he's begun to use this time to TALK.

Toblerone: *points to the middle of the room* "Toblerone'th...room?"

Mum: "Yes. This is Toblerone's room. Lay down and go ni-night."

Toblerone: *points in the direction of Triscuit's room* "Trithcut'th...room?

Mum: "Yes. That's Triscuit's room. Lay down please."

Toblerone: "Mama...pay?"

Mum: "You want Mama to pray for you?"

Toblerone: "Yup"

After I'm done praying, the ownership of room conversation begins again. Then, he starts to make his nest.

Toblerone: "Mama? Min Min? Mauw? Elmo? Cat (he has 3 of them now)?"

After I'm done fetching all of his toys for him....

Toblerone: "Wobin? Piow?"

Mum: "Your Robin pillow is right there. Lay down."

Toblerone: "Banket?"

Mum: "OK. You're ALL tucked in now...PLEASE go ni-night."

Toblerone: "Mama? Ludge joo"

Mum: "Aww. I love you too."

In less than a minute, he's usually OUT!

*Drum roll please*.......

The most INAPPROPRIATE time?

WHILE ONE OF US IS GOING TO THE BATHROOM

It doesn't matter WHO it is. No matter HOW sneaky you are or how quiet you are...he's RIGHT there. I've tried to get into the habit of locking the door, but God forbid if you forget...

Toblerone: *busts through the door* "Mama? Doin?"

Mum: "Going potty. Go upstairs please."

Toblerone: "Poop?"

Mum: "No. Pee Pee. Go upstairs please."

Toblerone: "Mama? Done?"

Mum: "NO. Go upstairs please....NOW."

Toblerone: "Mama? Done? Now?"

Mum: *sigh*. "Yes Toblerone. Mama's done."

Toblerone: "Paper? Wipe?"

Mum: *MUCH HEAVIER SIGH* I get off the toilet as gracefully as possible (trying not to show TOO much)

Toblerone: *peeks into the toilet* "MAMA! Pee pee! Potty!"

Mum: "Yes honey. I know."

Toblerone: "Toblerone? Fush?"

Before you can answer....he flushes it FOR you.

Toblerone: "Mama? Wash...handth?"

Mum: "Yes Toblerone. Mama's washing her hands."

After the ritualistic bathroom routine is over...he yells...

Toblerone: "MAMA! DONE! POTTY!"

Thanks Toblerone. Now the neighborhood knows!

I have this feeling that not much will be sacred in the near future...privacy is OUT the window! We are getting a door alarm for our bedroom door (since there's no lock). We haven't had it happen YET...so let's keep it that way. I don't want to emotionally scar my children for life. I don't want this to happen....

One of my BIGGEST fears, yes. Do you blame me?