Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hercules and a BAD Habit

Over the past week, we've had to make some adjustments to our "baby barricade" situation. "WHAT?", you say? I'm talking about baby gates.

You may think, "Why do they still have baby gates up?" Well, Toblerone is smarter than the average 2 year old...and also MUCH bigger...so, we've had to be creative in keeping him confined to a specific area. The kid gets into EVERYTHING. He watches your every move. He has figured out how to unlock doors (WITH a key). He has MASTERED dragging chairs around and climbing up on them to get what he wants. He also has managed to figure things out that the average 2 year old CANNOT. Those things include: opening containers, using a spray bottle (he watched me clean one day and now thinks he can do the same), knowing where EVERYTHING is in the refrigerator AND cupboards, knowing where we keep specific cups, lids and straws AND various other things that aren't springing to mind at the moment. Apparently, Toblerone thought along the same lines as YOU. "Why are Mommy and Daddy imprisoning me?" "Why can't I have the same freedoms as Triscuit?" All of this, of course, is speculation (since he can't talk that well). Toblerone has managed to "fix" the imprisonment issue. See below....

Here you see Dead Gate #1. This particular gate was up between the kitchen and the dining room:
Here's another angle:
And HERE is where he actually managed to break the hinge of the frame:
Here, you see Dead Gate #2. This one was located in the doorway of their bedroom (the ONLY reason that was there was to prevent Toblerone from falling down the stairs in a sleepy stooper if he were to wake up during the night. Precaution....purely precaution):

And the hinge that holds the wooden bar to the frame. I don't think you can see it that well, but the pin that's holding the wooden arm on is almost completely RIPPED from it's hole:
And finally, Dead Gate #2's wooden frame. These things are NOT easy to break....TRUST ME!

Sadly, the gates are now landfill material. There was NO way we could fix them! I swear to you, this kid is THE strongest child I have EVER encountered. It's hard to believe that he came from my womb!


Now that the baby gates are trash, we've embarked on a NEW adventure. Keeping Toblerone OUT of things that are dangerous! My cupboards, silverware, Tupperware, refrigerator, pantry, bathrooms...they are no longer "safe" from the beast we call Toblerone. So far, he has brought me knives (yeah, that freaked me right the heck out), forks, spoons, straws, Windex (latches are NOW on the cabinets under the sink), Clorox Wipes, my WAFFLE iron, various Tupperware containers, potatoes, fruit snacks, cereal.....the list goes on. The GROSSEST thing (thus far) that he has brought me? The plunger and toilet scrubber from the bathroom downstairs. Ew! EW EW EW EW EW!!!! A little information you didn't know about me is, I HATE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT GOES ON IN A BATHROOM (well, besides taking a shower)! I swear to you, I dawn hazmat clothing when I clean said bathrooms. I DO clean them (and OFTEN), but I HATE doing it. I will gag, repeatedly, if I get ANY fluids on my hands. THAT'S the main reason why I can't WAIT for Toblerone to be fully potty trained. The other thing is Toblerone has begun a NEW habit (and it's a gross one). If I don't catch him RIGHT AFTER he poops in his diaper, he will go hide behind the chair and "play" in it. More times than I can count, he has brought me a little "nugget of joy" from his diaper and HANDS it to me. *HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*!*HURP*! Oh God....I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. If you want to stay on my GOOD side, I suggest you stay FAR away from the subject of feces. Farts, I can handle. But POOP? GOOD GOD, NO! And on THAT note, I will be closing this blog and taking some Tums.

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