A Shocking Statement and an Embarrassing Question

I have SOOO much to catch you all up on that I figured, "I stay up late, so I may as well utilize my time appropriately and get some blogging DONE!"

This little installment is all about Triscuit. Since it's fall and the nights are no longer in the 90's, Weenie and I are BBQ'ing once a week. A few weeks ago, Triscuit and Toblerone were riding their scooters around the yard and all the sudden, Triscuit decides to announce IN THE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE...

Triscuit: "MOMMY, DADDY? MY PEE PEE FEELS HUGE!"

Crap. I'm thinking to myself, "God...I hope the neighbors didn't hear that."

I look at Weenie, he looks at me and we both are just shocked BEYOND shocked. So, I ask...

Mum: "Why does your pee pee feel big?" (I HAD to hear his response)

Triscuit: "Because when I take a DEEP breath in, it fills with air."

Mum: "So, what happens when you breath out?"

Triscuit: "All the air goes out of it and it feels normal again."

Ummm.....what? I look at Weenie and say:

Mum: "Weenie....you get to handle THIS one."

Weenie: (He sighs and hangs his head) "Why not just leave it alone?"

Mum: "I guess we could...as long as he doesn't have any questions..."

Weenie: "I'm sorry."

Mum: "Why are you sorry?"

Weenie: "Because he's so much like me."

Mum: "I know."

Weenie: "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

Mum: "NOTHING Honey! You said it FIRST! I was just agreeing with you!!! Geez! Don't get so defensive!"

Weenie: (Laughing) "I was kidding around with you..."

Mum: "What do we do? He is SO aware of his body that I think we are going to have to have "the talk" before we expected to."

Weenie: "WE are going to have to have "the talk" with him? Didn't you TELL me BEFORE we had kids that if we had boys, that would be MY job?"

Mum: "I did, didn't I? Well, COOL! I'm off the hook then! Ha ha ha!!!"

Weenie: "I don't know. Let me talk to my dad."

At this point (because everyone has been sick) we haven't had a chance to talk to his dad. I asked Weenie how his dad explained it to THEM. He said that each boy was given a book at the age of 12 or 13 to read. Once the book was read, they discussed any questions. That is NOT going to work with Triscuit....TRUST me. The kid asks SOOO many questions about EVERYTHING. Take THIS scenario for instance.

A few weeks ago, as we were finishing his schooling for the day, out of the blue, Triscuit asks me this:

Triscuit: "Mommy?"

Mum: "Yes, baby?"

Triscuit: (Pointing to my bewbs) "What are THOSE for?"

Mum: "Ummm....I'm a girl. All girls have bewbs." (At this point, I'm hoping he stops the questions....but NOOOOO.....)

Triscuit: "Why?"

Mum: "Because that's how God made women."

Triscuit: (Lifting up his shirt and touching his nipples) "Why do I have these?"

Mum: "Ummm....let me get back to you on that one."

Triscuit: "Mommy?"

Mum: *heavy sigh* (only because I KNEW he wouldn't let it go) "Yes, honey?"

Triscuit: "WHY do girls have bewbs?"

Mum: "Because God gave women the ability to make milk for their babies. Remember when Toblerone was born and Mommy would feed him that way?"

Triscuit: "Yes..."

Mum: "Well, that's how babies get their nourishment. They don't have teeth, so they have to drink their meals."

Triscuit: "Since Toblerone is 2 now and you don't feed him like that, why are your bewbs still there? You don't need them anymore."

Mum: (I'm completely dumbfounded at this point) "Well, honey, women are shaped a specific way. God gave us bewbs for other things, too." (Yeah....after that came out of my mouth I KNEW I had opened a flood gate of questions...)

Triscuit: "What OTHER things?"

Mum: (Pulling the "sound like your mother card" from the file of sayings) "You will learn all about that when you get older."

Triscuit: "But I AM older. Why can't I know NOW?"

Mum: "Let me talk to Daddy about it. DADDY will make the decision whether you are old enough to know that yet or not."

Triscuit: "OK."

Weenie's response? "H-E-double hockey sticks, NOOOOO! He's too young!!!!"

Here is MY beef with "waiting". If he is smart enough to THINK about it and wonder things like he's been wondering, then WHY not address the issue when it comes up the FIRST time? I want to be open with my kids about their bodies and all the changes they are going through. The trouble is, Weenie and I don't see eye to eye on this one. I WILL not go forward with something unless we are on the same page. I don't want to be one of THESE parents:

You know...the type that just brush their children off and pretend sex doesn't exist? I also don't want to be an over reactive parent when sexual questions/issues arise. I don't want them to feel that normal feelings/urges are "dirty". I want them to be informed and be confident in themselves.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery? I would LOVE to hear your responses!